NotBob's Bits

It has been statistically proven that six out of seven dwarves are not Happy.

The latest YouGov survey I received had all the standard opening questions that you would expect - which area of the UK do you come from, which gender are you, and then a rather surprising way of ascertaining your age:

Now, how many 109+ year old computer users do you think are out there?

Surely they must have been Photoshopped...

Did you know that a one minute long kiss burns up around 30 calories?

By my reckoning I must have burned up about 1 calorie over the last ten years...

Your Sexuality is German

The average German first has sex at age 16. And the average number of partners is 6. Only 11% of Germans have had an extramarital affair. 20% of Germans expect to have sex on the first date.

That's my record.

Can you beat it?

*snrk*

Nicked from HERE

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18 and find line 4.

As I have two books equidistant from me I shall do both:

"...Glastonbury and WOMAD sold out, and the ubiquitous Robbie Williams was the star of the stage wherever he played." - Guinness book of British Hit Singles (12^th Edition)

"...and formatting instructions in a single document, which was simple but not very powerful." - Quickstart Guide to HTML, XHTML & CSS (6^th Edition)

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what do you find?

OW! Bugger! The wall.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

Coronation Street

4. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

Television. Dunno what's on, but it looks boring. Parents are watching it, though.

5. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

This morning on my way to work. And I'm still asking myself the second part of this one!

6. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?

Someone else's blog

7. What are you wearing?

Clothes

8. Did you dream last night? What did you dream?

Fortunately not. My dreams tend to be a bit weird at the moment.

9. When did you last laugh?

When someone gave a ridiculously wrong answer to an easy question on The Weakest Link tonight.

10. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

Tapestries, family photos Grandad's shooting medals, all the usual family-type stuff.

11. Seen anything weird lately?

I looked in the mirror this morning, if that counts.

12. Last completely pointless thing you did?

Turned up at work.

13. What is the last film you saw?

Men In Black on DVD. I love that film! "Congratulations! It's a... squid."

14. If you turned a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

A big house, with a decent sized garden, a Volvo estate car and at least two Newfoundlands.

15. Tell me something about you that I don't know.

I was the heaviest baby of the family - 10lb, 1oz

16. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt and politics, what would you do?

I'd save as many endangered species as possible. Even the not-so cute and fluffy ones.

17. Do you like to Dance?

About as much as a fish likes breathing air.

18. George Bush.

Doesn't matter any more, but how he got elected twice is beyond me.

19. What would you say to God when you got to Heaven?

Where the hell were you when I thought I needed you, you git?

20. Last ten songs on your I-pod?

The Hammer - Motörhead
The Nobodies (Acoustic Version) - Marilyn Manson
If You Want Blood (You've Got It) - AC/DC
The Engine Driver - Colin Meloy
The Remembering (High The Memory) - Yes
Wicked World - Black Sabbath
Four Sticks - Led Zeppelin
Praise You - Fatboy Slim
Hotwax - Beck
Ion - Apocalyptica

There are two fish in a tank and one turns to the other and says...

...

...

..."OK then, smartarse. Do you know how to drive one of these things?"

A quickie from Caroline Cheese:

1507: Incidentally, I am seriously worried that Felipe Massa's hand is stuck in the 'thumbs up' position. He spent the whole of yesterday with his digit in the air. It could really hamper his driving, although he'll make a handy coat-stand in the Ferrari garage.

BOL!

You Are a Realist

You don't see the glass as half empty or half full. You see what's exactly in the glass. You never try to make a bad situation seem better than it is... But you also never sabotage any good things you have going on. You are brutally honest in your assessments of situations - and this always seems to help you cope.

Didn't expect anything else, really.

I bought myself some HP Sauce the other day.

I have to pay 10pence a month for the next two years...

I almost couldn't be bothered to post this:

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	High
Sloth:	Very High
Envy:	Low
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	Medium

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Apparently EuroDisney has been closed down for the forseeable future after Environmental Health inspectors found a six-foot mouse in one of the kitchens!

You've got to love the Urban Dictionary just for this one alone:

October 14: Caraoke

Singing along with music in a car, especially loudly and passionately.

That long road trip felt a lot (shorter/longer) because of the Caraoke.

www.urbandictionary.com

I do that all the time!

I was walking along minding my own business when someone wound down their car window, leant out and yelled "YOU W***ER!" at me.

I am just another victim of a drive-by shouting.

1. Who was your first love?
Second Cousin once removed

2. Who was your first kiss and when?
Julie King. I was five, she was four.

3. Who was your first prom date?
N/A

4. Who was your first room mate?
Technically my brother. The younger of the two.

5. What was your first job, and how hold were you?
Part-Time Casual Shop Assistant at Toys 'R' Us. I was 17

6. What was your first car?
1978 Mini Clubman Estate in white and mould.
You can't beat learning about engines from trying to keep an Austin 'A' series running. I put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into that little beauty.

7.When did you go to your first funeral?
I honestly can't remember.

8. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown?
HAH! Caught you out! I never have.
I really wish I could afford to, though.

9. Who was your third grade teacher?
I think that may have been Mrs Porter. Honestly, it's been a while since I was that young, and I didn't very much like school even then.

10. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?
Family holiday to southern Italy. I was about four years old, so that would be 1975. I'd love to go back there some day.

11. Where did you go for your first date and who was it with?
I don't think I've ever been on a proper date.

12. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?
Never did that, either.

13. Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them?
BG, or now he's been on a diet, G. I was born six days before him in the same hospital. It's the only time in our entire lives when I've been on time and he's been late!

14. Who was the first person to send you flowers?
Never happens.

15. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents house?
I still live with my parents.

16. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day?
No-one. Why bring their day down with my problems?

17. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen?
I was an usher at my brother's wedding (the younger of the two)

18. What was the first concert you went to?
Wishbone Ash, I think. Sometime in the late '80s. '89 I think. Great band! Unfortunately I had my left ear right up against the monitor speaker for the lead guitar. All I could hear for the next couple of days was a little bloke sitting on my left shoulder going "Oooooooooooo" in my ear.

http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/x-men/

*snrk!*

Your Interpersonal Intelligence Score: 34%

Your Interpersonal Intelligence is Medium-Low You can relate to other people when you have to... but you prefer not to. You prefer a small amount of quality social interaction to a huge quantity of it. Work, play, and learning are generally all things you like to do on your own.

Yup. Just about sums me up.

There's been a police helicopter circling the area for the last hour or so.

All I can say is this:

Look you guys, just because for one night I've not found my way to the pub, there's no need, really. I'm sat at home and I'm safe, you can call off the search, OK?

Thanks for caring, though.