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I got a sweater for my last birthday.

I really wanted a screamer or a moaner, though.

The truth will out

The answer is that the second statement was false. I actually starred in a radio commercial for a local youth club back in 1985.
The phrase "Oh, no! Now we're in for it!" will be forever etched on my memory, despite rigorous attempts to wipe that bit clean.

The facts behind the other two statements are as follows:

1. I once got caught speeding on a pushbike.

I was speed trapped in a 30mph zone cycling at 42mph. The officer who pulled up beside me when I eventually stopped to light a ciggie said that by rights he should at least give me a caution for "pedalling furiously", but instead asked what kind of gears I had fitted to the bike.

3. I have been slandered as being a murderer.

I was spotting for a fellow pupil during a trampoline lesson at school when he decided to try to do a backward somersault and failed, almost breaking his neck as he rolled off the trampoline toward me. It's amazing how many people WHO WERE NOT THERE swore blind that I jumped out of the way, rather than try to soften his fall.

I know I jumped towards him, he knows I jumped towards him and so did the teacher who was standing just a few feet away, yet still I was labelled a "murderer".

OK, here goes...

In accordance with the rules, one of these statements is false:

1. I once got caught speeding on a pushbike.

2. I have starred in a television advert for a club.

3. I have been slandered as being a murderer.

Which one is it?

You Are Not Spiritual

You tend to be a very facts oriented person. For you, life is about what is true. You don't really concern yourself with spirituality or religion. You prefer what's real. You try your best to be a good person and make good decisions, but you don't worry about your life's purpose. You just take things as they come. You don't look for meaning where there isn't any.

Sounds about right for me.

What time does Sean Connery go to watch the Wimbledon Tournament?

...

...

Tennish...

Lifted from Lucreziaborgia, ta!

USING ONLY ONE WORD Not as easy as you might think! !

Where is your mobile phone?
Pocket.

Your significant other?
None.

Your hair?
Greying.

Your mother?
Here.

Your father?
Likewise.

Your favourite thing?
Laptop.

Your dream last night?
Weird.

Your favourite drink?
Cider.

Your dream/goal?
Wealth.

What room are you in?
Lounge.

Your hobby?
Blogging

Your fear?
Bankruptcy.

Where do you want to be in 6 years?
Anywhere.

Where were you last night?
Pub.

Something that you aren't?
Rich.

Muffins?
Thanks!

Wish list item?
Newfoundland

Last thing you did?
Blog

What are you wearing?
Clothes.

TV?
On.

Your pets?
Cute.

Friends?
Few

Your life?
Simple.

Your mood?
Bored.

Missing someone?
No.

Drinking?
Yes.

Smoking?
Yes.

Your car?
Mum's.

Something you're not wearing?
Aftershave.

Your favourite store?
Closed.

Your favourite colour?
Magenta.

When is the last time you cried?
Recently.

Where do you go to over and over?
Pub.

Five people who email me regularly?
Spammers.

My favourite place to eat?
Home.

Favourite place I'd like to be at right now?
Pub.

I've been featured on another blogsite!

If anyone gets a visitor commenting that your meme has been stolen by Judd Corizan don't worry, he's one of the good guys!

Thanks, Judd!

You Are Clam Chowder

You are cynical and a bit provincial. You don't trust what's new or trendy. You are also indulgent and hedonistic. You like rich foods, and you would never count calories. You are not a big cooker - or a big foodie. Food is not complicated for you. You eat what's comfortable. And what's from a box or can. You're very low maintenance.

Clam chowder?

Lifted from elsewhere...

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss ...
...didn't mean a thing.

2. I am listening to ...
...sports commentary

3. I talk ...
...too quietly at times.

4. I love ...
...cider!

5. My best friend/s ...
...is on a diet, and it's working for him!

6. My first real kiss ...
...was magical.

7. Love is ...
...elusive.

8. Marriage is ...
...a loooong way away!

9. Somewhere, someone is thinking ...
..."not another bloody meme!"

10. I'll always ...
...remember the good times.

11. The last time I really cried was because ...
...I was frustrated at myself.

12. My mobile phone ...
...is practically unused.

13. When I wake up in the morning ...
...I want to go back to sleep.

14. Before I go to bed ...
...I have a ciggie as I finish my cider.

15. Right now I am thinking about ...
...having another strawberry, or an apricot bun or a fairy cake. Hmmm...

16. Babies are ...
...annoying.

17. I get on Myspace ...
...when hell freezes over.

18. Today I ...
...bought the winning Lotto ticket (I hope)

19. Tomorrow I will be ...
...a day older.

20. I really want to be ...
more confident.

Swiped from various artists

Kissed any one of your blog friends? --- Yes
Been arrested? --- No
Kissed someone you didn't like? --- Yes
Slept in until 5 PM? --- No
Fallen asleep at work/school? --- Yes
Held a snake? --- Yes
Ran a red light? --- Yes
Been suspended from school? --- NO
Experienced love at first sight? --- Yes
Totaled your car in an accident? --- No
Been fired from a job? --- No
Fired somebody? --- No
Sang karaoke? --- Yes
Pointed a gun at someone? --- No
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? --- Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking or eating came out your nose? --- Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? --- Yes
Had a close brush with death --- Yes
Played spin-the-bottle? --- Yes
Sang in the shower? --- No
Smoked a cigar? --- Yes
Sat on a rooftop? --- Yes
Smuggled something into another country? --- No
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? --- No
Broken a bone? --- No
Skipped school? --- No
Sleepwalked? --- No
Walked a moonlit beach? --- No
Rode a motorcycle? --- Yes
Dumped someone? --- Yes
Forgotten your anniversary? --- No
Lied to avoid a ticket? --- No
Ridden on a helicopter? --- No
Shaved your head? --- Yes
Played a prank on someone? --- Yes
Hit a home run? -- No
Felt like killing someone? --- Yes
Cross-dressed? --- No
Been falling-down drunk? --- Yes
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? --- Yes
Eaten snake? --- No
Marched/Protested? --- Yes
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? --- No
Puked on amusement ride? --- No
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? --- No
Been in a band? --- No
Knitted? --- Yes
Been on TV? --- No
Shot a gun? --- Yes
Skinny-dipped? --- Yes
Gave someone stitches? --- Yes
Eaten a whole habenero pepper? --- No
Ridden a surfboard? --- No
Drank straight from a liquor bottle? --- Yes
Had surgery? --- Yes
Streaked? --- No
Taken by ambulance to hospital? --- No
Tripped on mushrooms? --- No
Passed out when not drinking? --- No
Peed on a bush? --- Yes
Donated Blood? --- Yes
Grabbed electric fence? --- No
Eaten alligator meat? --- No
Eaten your kids' Halloween candy? --- No
Killed an animal when not hunting? --- Yes
Peed your pants in public? --- No
Written graffiti? --- Yes
Still love someone you shouldn't? --- Yes
Think about the future? --- Yes
Been in handcuffs? --- Yes
Believe in love? --- Yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? --- No

1. Look out your window(s), what do you see?
Darkness and the vague silhouette of that damn tree

2. Last three DVD's you watched:
Akira, Duel, Men in Black

3. Last three songs you listened to:
Iron Man, Paranoid, Electric Funeral. Yes, I'm on a bit of a Black Sabbath trip at the moment...

4. Last meal:
Scrambled egg on toast.

5. What you are doing right now:
Blogging and thinking of going to the pub in a few minutes.

6. What hidden talent(s) do you have:
I don't know. They're hidden.

7. Do you speak with a national or regional accent:
A Surrey variation of RP English, mixed with a bit of Estuary English.

8. Job title:
Graphics Officer

9. Like your job:
I used to. Now it has been eroded by so many software packages offering their own graphics facilities, all I seem to be doing is fixing other people's f*ck-ups

10. Religion:
None specifically

11. Favourite meal to prepare:
Omelette and chips.

12. Something people may not know about you:
Erm... I like the smell of creosote.

Will you...

EVER MEET SOMEONE FAMOUS?
I've met Ed Stuart and Sally James, not on the same evening, though, and the drummer from Cutting Crew is a regular at my local. Or so I've been told.

EVER BE SUCCESSFUL?
Yes. Successful at failing.

STUDY OR LEARN SOMETHING NEW IN THE NEXT FIVE YEARS?
I learn something new every day!

GO ON A DIET THIS YEAR?
Ummm, I don't think so.

CHANGE SCHOOLS/JOB IN THE NEXT YEAR?
Yeah. This school sucks! But seriously, yes I'll have to find another job before March.

DO VOLUNTEER WORK?
What? Work without pay?!?!

GO ON HOLIDAY THIS SUMMER?
Not after the phone bill from my Berlin trip...

BUY AN ITEM OF CLOTHING IN THE NEXT WEEK?
Well, I'm looking for boots...

BUY ANY ELECTRONIC GADGETS?
I'm a bloke. What do you expect?

MAKE ANY MAJOR PURCHASES THIS YEAR?
I already have.

MOVE TO A NEW TOWN THIS YEAR?
I wish!

VISIT A RELATIVE SOON?
Nope.

GO TO A MALL THIS WEEK?
Nope. I'll be shopping online.

GO TO A PUB?
Stupid question.

SHOP FOR FOOD IN THE NEXT FIVE DAYS?
If I don't I'll starve.

WATCH A FAVOURITE TELEVISION PROGRAMME THIS WEEK?
Obviously yes.

WEAR A FAVOURITE ITEM OF CLOTHING TOMORROW?
Have I mentioned that I've got a nice new coat?

EAT AT HOME TOMORROW?
Only if I go food shopping.

GO TO A CONCERT THIS WEEK?
Nope.

GO TO A CINEMA THIS WEEK?
Nope

GO TO A MUSEUM?
Nope.

READ A BOOK?
Probably excerpts from "Teach Yourself HTML, XHTML and CSS"

EVER HAVE SOMETHING YOU'VE WRITTEN PUBLISHED?
If you count those webcomics I used to do, yes. Done it before, I can do it again.

EVER HAVE SOME ART WORK YOU'VE DONE, DISPLAYED PUBLICLY?
See previous answer.

EVER HAVE SOMETHING ELSE YOU'VE CREATED DISPLAYED PUBLICLY?
Probably not.

WIN SOMETHING?
I doubt it, but Reader's Digest may claim otherwise.

GET MARRIED IN THE NEXT YEAR?
I very much doubt it, but you never know. Circumstances can change.

HAVE SEX THIS WEEK?
See previous answer.

HAVE A BABY IN THE NEXT YEAR?
Me personally? I'd make a fortune if I did!

GET DRUNK THIS WEEK?
Erm...

TAKE DRUGS?
The only drugs I use are nicotine, alcohol and life

VISIT A FRIEND THIS WEEK?
Probably meet up down the pub tonight and get drunk together. There! That's three of these stupid questions answered at once!

PASS THIS MEME ON TO ANYONE ELSE?
Not in the sense of "here's a meme, fill it out or the kitten gets it!" I'll just leave it here and see if anyone picks it up.

You See the World Through Blue Colored Glasses

You live your life with tranquility. You have faith that things will work themselves out with time. You judge all your interactions through the lens of hope. You try to get all the facts before forming your opinion. You face challenges with wisdom. You know that all bad things pass, and you have the confidence to see problems through. You see love as the utmost expression of trust. Your relationships tend to be peaceful and stable. At your worst, you can be cool, melancholy, and detached. You sometimes have to step back from emotionally charged situations. You are at your happiest when you are able to reflect and relax.

Cool, melancholy and detached, eh? 's about right.

How many Gillian McKeiths does it take to change a lightbulb?

...

One. But she'll need to use a stool.

You Are Courier New

You have a deep appreciation for tradition and history. You don't eschew modernity, but you do have a deep reverence for the past. You are very literate. It's likely you enjoy writing and reading. Some people may feel you're a bit cold, but you just have high standards for who you hang out with.

This one seems quite accurate.