Confusion Reigns Supreme

My ankles are weird.

Or more to the point, the hairs on my legs are weird.

I've just noticed that apart from the normal ones that grow above my ankles, there is one individual hair on my left ankle growing all on its own like a little follicular outcast. Poor little thing.

Yes, you're right. I'm bored.

...cocktail is wot I is drinking right now.

It's one that I call an "Apple Sandwich"

Take a quarter of a glass of cider.
Carefully add to that half a glass of cider.
Top off the sandwich with a quarter of a glass of cider.

Do not shake or stir in order to keep the integrity of the sandwich effect.

Best served in a glass. As often as possible.

*hic*

I was down the pub the other night (now there's a surprise) and I was just sitting at the periphary, as I usually do, people watching and picking up snippets of other people's conversations when I heard one of the more attractive young ladies behind the bar say that she'd give me one.

Unfortunately it was out of ten.

I don't know why I'm watching "Elite Forces" on the Discovery Channel, it's not my normal choice of viewing, but one of the guys they had on the programme was an ex Navy SEAL. One of the things they had to learn how to do was to swim underwater without breathing out as the bubbles would betray their presence. This would lead to any enemy who spots the bubbles shouting out "Swimmer in the water!" and throwing a grenade as near to your location as possible.

This veteran described the effect of even a small grenade going off underwater near you as being "like sticking an eggbeater up your butt and having a wildman on the crank."

Ouch!

I've just won on the National Lottery!

Now how am I going to spend this sensibly?

Three pints of cider should do it, I think. After all, you can't get much more than that for a tenner...

What can I say about today?

Has it really only been a week since my parents flew off to Greece?

I think I’m keeping track of the time, although I did think it was Sunday this morning, which is why the dogs didn’t get walked until 4 o’clock this afternoon.

I’ve just enough money left to last me until pay day on Tuesday, despite having that massive bonus at the start of the month. The debts ate up most of that, but at least I’ve been able to afford a new ‘phone and for once I haven’t had letters and ‘phone calls from the bank. Let’s see if I can now manage to keep that up - that trip to Edinburgh in November is looking very dodgy now *eek*. I may not be able to make it to Leeds, either, but I want to go to at least one of this year’s blogmeets. It looks light Brighton is the front-runner. Ho-hum. At least I know my way around Brighton.

Not much else to say about my day really. I’ve spent most of my time updating applications on my lappy and trying to figure out how to work with what’s changed. It may take some time before I’m happy with what I’ve got now, but I’m not going to let this thing beat me. Let’s face it, if I didn’t have my lappy and my blog would I miss anything? OK, yes, I’ve made friends in Blogville that I would never have met in my entire life and I’m grateful for that, but if I hadn’t joined up would I be any the wiser?

I’m starting to mumble things to myself now that I would never put on my blog so I’d better shut up for a while…

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man 85% Robin 77% Green Lantern 65% Hulk 60% Catwoman 60% Superman 55% Batman 50% Supergirl 50% Iron Man 45% The Flash 30% Wonder Woman 25%

You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

I'm more Catwoman than Superman!

I've just heard that Paul Newman has passed away.

http://www.france24.com/en/20080927-screen-legend-paul-newman-dead-83

Paul Leonard Newman (January 26, 1925 - September 26, 2008)was an American actor, film director, entrepreneur, race car driver, racing team owner and humanitarian. He won numerous awards, including an Academy Award, two Golden Globe Awards, a Screen Actors Guild Award, a Cannes Film Festival Award, and an Emmy award, along with many honorary awards. He won several national championships as a driver in Sports Car Club of America road racing and his race teams won several championships in open wheel Indy Car racing. He was also the founder of Newman's Own, a food company from which Newman donated all profits and royalties to charity. As of May 2007, these donations have exceeded US$220 million. Newman died at his long-time home in Westport, Connecticut after a battle with lung cancer.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Newman

May he rest in peace.

That Wikimeme that's been doing the rounds since I first spotted it on Xenon's blog (you've got a lot to answer for y'know! )

The rules are go into Wikipedia and type in just your day and month of your birth, then choose four events, three births, two deaths, and one holiday..

Events
1026 - Pope John XIX crowns Conrad II as Holy Roman Emperor.
1812 - An earthquake destroys Caracas, Venezuela.
1839 - The first Henley Royal Regatta is held.
1976 - Queen Elizabeth II sent out the first royal email, from the Royal Signals and Radar Establishment.

Births
1794 - Julius Schnorr von Carolsfeld, German painter (d. 1872)
1911 - Tennessee Williams, American dramatist (d. 1983)
1961 - William Hague, British politician

Deaths
1814 - Joseph-Ignace Guillotin, namesake of the guillotine (b. 1738)
1973 - Noel Coward, English composer and playwright (b. 1899)

Holiday
Independence Day - Bangladesh

I heard about THIS this morning and thought: "Only in Glasgae"

"A wonderful group of men and women who drink in the woods got inspired by the idea when I was telling them about it, so they started bringing their empty beer cans to the manse to use in the new building."

I've just got home from walking Paddington (with a brief stop at the pub) to find my ansaphone flashing its little red message light at me. Normally people just ring off when they hear the machine answering, which is why I leave it on even if I'm in - if the need to get in touch they'll leave a message.

So I pressed "Play" only to be confronted by a telemarketing automaton - and I do mean automaton, there was no human contact. Heck, there couldn't have been, otherwise they would have hung up as soon as they heard the words "This is a recorded message, please leave your message after the tone."

Human telemarketers are bad enough - no offence to any telemarketers out there, I know deep down you're all very nice people, and I would never be rude over the phone to one - but I really hate answering the phone to bloody machines. It must be the most idiotic way of getting people to enter a prize draw to win a time-share on the Costa Fortune.

It's Spam-by-phone, aural junk mail, and if, like me, you rely on the ansaphone to vet your calls, ther's no getting away from it.

After all the celebrations of the closing ceremony of the Beijing Olympics, those fiendish Chinese had to let off one last rocket.

Good luck to them, I say. Although making the life of the ordinary Chinese citizen any easier may have been overlooked in the grand scheme of things yet again...

In 2003, researchers from Eötvös Loránd University in Budapest and the Sony Computer Science Laboratory in Paris tried to find out whether dogs would accept Sony's commercial dogbot AIBO as one of their own. The experiment resulted in a formal scientific publication, "Social behaviour of dogs encountering AIBO, an animal-like robot in a neutral and in a feeding situation", and the insight that the answer is "no".
Source: New Scientist

From this week's New Scientist:

Antidepressants may harm male fertility.

It's enough to make you even more depressed.

I took him out for a walk and promised him his dinner when we got back.

I served him his dinner as promised.

He left it.

Why?

Because I served to him in the utility room rather than the kitchen.

As soon as I picked up his bowl and moved it to the kitchen he tucked in to it like it's the first thing he's eaten for a month.

Bloody fussy eater, my Padster.

.

I really must be bored if I'm posting this.

Out of pure boredom I now find myself down the pub with Paddington.

This came as a pleasant surprise to J, the landlady, as she hasn't seen the Padster for a while and she absolutely adores him. Mind you, who doesn't? Bloody dog's got more friends than me.

Right now as I key this into my iPod, J is crawling around the floor of the bar alternately making a fuss of Paddington and keeping her baby son occupied.

Time for another pint.

For me that is, I think J's had enough already!

And NotBob is BORED.

So bored that I'm looking forward to going back to work.

For some reason I'd rather be bored in my office than bored at home. At least at work something might happen...

I say that because when I saw this piccie, my first thoughts were: "Look at the state of that pitch!

They can't play on that!

Sack the groundsman!"

*ahem*

I've just dipped into my Orange Webmail to see what I've received over the last week since I last looked and Friends Reunited have sent me an "Urgent Reminder" of messages I've received from a friend on that site.

So I checked my messages.

I have 1 message from a woman that I went to the same school as, but did not mix with, and still do not remember, about her trying to organise a school reunion next year that I have no intention of attending.

This message has been sitting in my FR inbox since March. I've read it. I read it in March. Do I really need an urgent reminder for stuff that I have read already?

I have now taken myself off of FR. I don't know why the feck I even added myself on there anyway. I don't want to know any of them, I hated my time at that assylum school and I certainly don't need or want to be reminded of it.

I knew the walls of this house were thin but I could hear my next-door neighbour stripping off this morning, and now she's banging away like a good 'un.

I wonder how long it's going to take for her to finish decorating...

And the holiday's going well.

Sleeping on the sofa is easiest, I've found, as I had been warned that Paddington is getting a bit incontinent in his old age.
So far he's woken me up at 4 every morning by huffing and puffing insistantly and incessantly pacing up and down the length of the living room to the patio doors and back, with an embarrassed look in his tired old eyes and a small "package" on his bed.
I let him out and leave the conservatory door open for him to come back in when he's done, close the old patio doors behind me and tidy up before drifting of to sleep on the sofa again.

I am so looking forward to another two weeks of this. NOT!
Still, at least he hasn't got the squits.

Sorry, were you eating?

I was going to post something about all the pets we, as a family, have had over the years, unfortunately it looks like my brother has borrowed the main photo albums.

I did find a few piccies of Penny as a puppy, though. So here's some of them instead.

This is Penny shortly after we got her from the RSPCA kennels:

A seven week old bundle of cuteness and teeth.
She had a habit of sleeping in the most awkward of positions:

and sitting in a most undog-like manner:

But only when we didn't have visitors, such as my aunt's dog, Jamie:

Bless.

She's seven years old now and has grown out of it.

Lifted from various sources.

Three names you go by, other than your given name:
1. Oi! You
2. NotBob
3. Donkey

Three screen names you've had:
1. SickofbeingcalledBob
2. NotBob
3. NotNorm

Three physical things you like about yourself:
1. Left eye (when not bloodshot)
2. Right eye (likewise)
3. Erm... *ahem*

Three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. I need to put on weight/muscle
2. My feet
3. My slight paunch (if ever I get a tan I look like a Twiglet)

Three parts of your heritage:
1. Irish
2. English
3. A tiny bit of Welsh (from the ones that couldn't swim! )

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. A smile
2. Deodorant
3. Duvet

Three favorite bands/musical artists:
1. AC/DC
2. Thin Lizzy
3. Timo Maas

Three favorite songs:
1. Ride On
2. Dancing in the Moonlight
3. Ain't No Fun Waiting Round To Be A Millionaire

Three things you'd want most in a long-term relationship:
1. Trust
2. Companionship
3. Respect

Three physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to you:
1. Smile
2. Eyes
3. Ears

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1 - 3. I can't think of a single thing.

Three hobbies you'd like to try:
1. Archery
2 - 3. Can't think of anything again.

Three things that scare you:
1. Dentists
2. Poverty
3. London Underground

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1. Japan
2. Australia
3. America

Three meals you've cooked for yourself or others in the last week:
1. Omlette
2. Vegetable Soup
3. Pizza

Three careers you have considered/are considering:
1. Police
2. Army
3. Pilot

Three current career skills:
1. I usually turn up on time.
2 - 3. I think that's about it.

Three ways you are uniquely you:
1. My eclectic taste in music
2. My individual dress sense
3. No, can't think of anything else

Three things you wish with all your heart you could do:
1. Put on weight
2. Pay off my debts
3. Ride on a Bullet Train and see Mount Fuji

Three impossible dreams:
1. Owning a house of my own
2. Getting a cartoon syndicated
3. Being solvent

I am one. And not all of them bad, but most are.

How else can I explain why, as the only human in the house for the next two weeks, I still closed and locked the toilet door behind me just then?

I've just cracked open a bottle of this stuff:

Jacques Fruits des Bois cider with fruit. (5.5%abv £3.59 for 750ml from Coop)

Described on the label as a "deliciously refreshing blend of lightly sparkling cider and the concentrated juice of fruits of the forest - enjoy Jacques over ice."

Described by me as smelling like Ribena, with a taste to match. Could be nice over ice on a summer's afternoon on the patio. Lightly sparkling and rather more-ish, if you like blackcurrant.

Just add lager for instant snakebite and black.

You Are Mustard

Your personality is strong and distinctive. You are beyond quirky. You can stand alone in the world well. You are a strong individual. You sometimes work well with others, as long as there aren't any other strong personalities involved. Your taste in food tends to be simple yet high quality. You can really get into a perfectly prepared sandwich or simple fresh salad. You get along best with ketchup and barbeque sauce personalities. Get you with a salsa personality, and things might become downright nasty!

"Strong individual"? Me?

The dogs have been walked and fed and NotBob has just returned from delivering his parents to Heathrow Terminal 5 and surprise, surprise, he's stopped off in the shops on the way back to stock up on the essentials.

3 bottles of cider, a carton of orange juice and a packet of ciggies.

Let's see how the next fortnight pans out on Big Blogger 2008...

People who change their avatars quite often.

Are they searching for their innermost selves?

*ahem*

1. Deviled eggs or egg salad?

Egg salad. Or better still, egg mayonnaise.

"Hang on," I hear people cry. "Surely NotBob hates mayo, how can this be?"

Simple. Substitute the mayo with Heinz salad cream. Has to be Heinz, though.

2. Fries: BK or McDonalds?

Given the choice, BK.

3. Gravies: homemade or from a packet/tin?

Home made every time. You cant beat it. OK, sometimes you might have to strain it...

4. Tomatoes: fresh or tinned?

Fresh, eaten raw like an apple with a little salt. I love the way they dribble down yer chin!

5. Potatoes: Mashed or jacketed?

Mashed. Or as the idiots on Masterchef would say, "Crushed". With butter and loads of Cheddar. Mmmm!

6. soda or beer?

Guess.

7. Apple or crisps?

Apple. Healthier, and even better, they taste of cider!

8. Pork or fish?

Fish, and I'm not all that big on seafood.

9. KFC or Subway?

Neither.

10. Chocolate candy or boiled sweets?

Choccies!

___________________________________________________________________________________

1. Where do you call home?

Wherever I lay my hat.

Shit, I left my hat in the office!

2. What's your favourite board game(s)?

Risk, Space Marine

3. Have you ever fired a handgun or rifle?

No, but I've held one

4. When driving somewhere new, do you get lost without directions?

I'm a bloke, what do you think?

5. When did you last get lost?

Last year driving back from Gatwick. I won't that mistake tomorrow!

6. What is on your feet right now?

My knees. I'm sitting cross-legged.

7. Where do you like to travel on a day trip?

London or the south coast.

8. What's in your pockets right now?

Nothing. I've emptied them for comfort while I sit cross-legged.

9. What device do you use to listen to music most often?

Used to be my CD Walkman, now my iPod touch.

10. Who do you hang around most with (don't need to name names)?

The dogs.

AVAST BEHIND!

Some piratey goodness fer our special day...

Sorry it be a bit late, but I's been havin' difficulties wi'me computin'-thingie-wotsit.
Methinks me servin' wenches musta ran aground, but they looks to be afloat agin now.

Haarrrr!!