Made me titter. *ahem*
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Masterchef My A**e
@ Sunday, Sep. 07, 2008 – 12:51:05 am
What's wrong with these people?
They complain that mashed potato has lumps in it. They say that they are not mashed, they are "crushed". Their standard of "mashed" is what I would call either creamed or bloody ruined.They marvel at the taste of pureed cauliflower, yet ignore the fact that more than half of the pleasure of the vegetable is the texture.
They tremble in fear at the thought of combining crab, rice, apples and ginger in one dish, yet marvel at the audacity of the combination to work.
They have no sense of taste and no sense of adventure.
I will not be dining at any of their restaurants.
A sprout is a sprout and a pea is a pea. They will never meet the blender in my kitchen!
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King Kong (2005)
@ Saturday, Sep. 06, 2008 – 11:33:02 pm
You all know the story by now. Dodgy film-maker takes aspiring if reluctant actress to an island passed by by time, discovers dinosaurs and a huge gorilla. Huge gorilla falls in love with aspiring actress, gets trapped and taken to New York to star in a freak show, escapes, goes on the rampage and ends up finding aspiring actress and then takes her up the Empire State Building. USAF send their finest fliers to shoot Huge Gorilla down, gorilla dies.
Right that's the plot dealt with. Now can I have the last 3 hours of my life back?
The CGI was quite good though, and Jack Black impressed me too.
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Quick Change, Catching Up and Signing Out
@ Saturday, Sep. 06, 2008 – 08:00:15 pm
Just thought I might update the look of my blog. I've put my friends list back up, this time in order of the number of comments. Good to see you up there Chyna!
I have just about caught up with all my friends' posts over the last few days, and now King Kong is on ITV, so I shall sign off for a wee while.
Tata!
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One Wrong Word...
@ Saturday, Sep. 06, 2008 – 04:44:41 pm
You Are Spearmint Flavored Gum
You are a mystery to most people, even your friends.Cool and a bit aloof, you tend to be a bit removed from the world.
And while you keep to yourself, you're no shrinking violet.
You have a strong personality, and you'll speak your mind when the time is right.
You are competent in all aspects of life. You're attractive, successful, and charming.
Many people want to be your friend, but you consider few people to be your true friends.
"Successful"
PAH!
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Nicked from jackfrost
@ Saturday, Sep. 06, 2008 – 02:03:59 am
1. What time did you get up this morning?
7 o'clock2. Diamonds or pearls?
For or from? Jewellery - pssh!3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Something so inane that I can't remember.4. What is your favourite TV show?
NCIS5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
What's breakfast?6. What is your middle name?
James7. What food do you dislike?
Offal8. What is your favourite CD at moment?
Classic Rock compilation freebie9. What kind of car do you drive?
Renault Clio10. Favourite sandwich?
Cheese and pickle11. What characteristic do you despise?
Hating. Unfortunately that's one of mine.12. Favourite item of clothing?
Stockings. Or do you mean an item of clothing that I wear?13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
Japan14. Favourite brand of clothing?
I don't do "labels" and I think that anyone who does is an idiot.15. Where would you retire to?
Either Japan, Italy, or possibly Luxembourg. Or Australia, New Zealand or anywhere as long as it's not Britain.16. What was your most recent memorable birthday?
The one I wish I could forget...17. Favourite sport to watch?
Motorsports of any kind, particularly F118. Furtherest place you are sending this?
It's on my blog. How much further does it need to go?19. Person you expect to send it back first?
Nobody.20. When is your birthday?
Too personal, though some people know.21. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Definitely night. I mean, look at the time!
22. What is your shoe size?
10, or I thought it was until I bought my new boots.23. Pets?
7-year-old beagle/terrier cross and a 14-year old Newfie.24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
I'm probably next in line for redundancy.25. What did you want to be when you were little?
Happy26. How are you today?
Depressed27. What is your favourite sweets?
Chocolate28. What is your favourite flower?
Pansy. Do NOT read anything into that response.29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
10th September 2008.30. What is your full name?
You know my middle name (see Q6), my first name is available through my profile, though it is also quite easy to ascertain. Is that not enough?31. What are you listening to right now?
Rain dripping onto the conservatory roof from the blocked guttering above my parents' bedroom window.32. What was the last thing you ate?
Beef canelloni33. Do you wish on stars?
No point. We have no influence on them, and the lack of influence is reciprocated.34. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
Red35. How is the weather right now?
Weeing down36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today?
No-one37. Favourite soft drink?
That would be from the planet sober, right?
OK, you've got me. Tea, Earl Grey, Hot.38. Favourite restaurant?
I hate restaurants39. Real hair colour?
Used to be brown, now greying.40. What was your favourite toy as a child?
Lego41. Summer or winter?
Winter, but I prefer Autumn42. Hugs or kisses?
Could be a possibility with the right person43. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Chocolate44. Coffee or tea?
Haven't I just done this one? TEA!45. Do you want your friends to Post you back?
Only if they want to46. When was the last time you cried?
Tuesday.47. What is under your bed?
Fluff, dead spiders and stuff *ahem*48. What did you do last night?
Not much.49. What are you afraid of ?
That Palin woman attaining any semblance of power.50. Salty or sweet?
Depends51. How many keys on your key ring?
Six52. How many years at your current job?
19 and a half years53. Favourite day of the week?
Monday.54. How many towns have you lived in?
Erm... one, unless you include the town I was born in, which would make it two.55. Do you make friends easily?
Sometimes56. How many people will you send this to?
Does it matter?57. How many will respond?
Who cares? I don't. -
Soldier Refused Room At Hotel
@ Friday, Sep. 05, 2008 – 07:24:40 pm
I am deeply ashamed to say that this happened in my hometown.
It saddens me that such prejudice still lives on in the hearts and minds of a very small minority. All I can think is that the duty receptionist that turned Corporal Stringer away must have been brought up in the time when some of the pubs in Woking excluded squaddies. That was way back in the ‘70s and ‘80s.
At the time landlords had a valid reason to ban squaddies from their establishments. The Paras were based in Aldershot and, in typical squaddie fashion, had trashed most of the bars in that town before being issued with an order from their Commanding Officer barring them from all pubs, clubs and wine bars in the area. In order to get round this order, they would just hop onto the train and come to Woking; after all, it’s only a few minutes up the line.
Some weekends during that time saw fights and brawls breaking out all over the town centre with pubs, bars and kebab shops routinely having to replace windows, doors and furniture. OK, some of that still happens, but the youths of today would be no match for a drunken Para in full swing. The Paras are no longer based in "All-da-shit", as it was known at the time. They've been relocated to Colchester. It was quite interesting to note the sudden upsurge of violent disorder there at the same time as there was a sudden lull in police activity in their former hometown. Could these things be linked in any way, shape or form?I have every respect for members of the armed forces. They do a bloody good job despite the dubious reasons for them being sent where they are. I know for a fact that I could not do what they do or go through what they have to go through. I'm not saying that today's squaddies are all angels, as there will always be a minority of little wankers to spoil it for everyone else, but to bar a single soldier from staying the night at a hotel these days just smacks of petty-minded prejudice.
Cpl Stringer is now a victim of the abhorrent behaviour of a few loutish squaddies twenty or thirty years ago. Surely we should have moved on since those dark days.
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Why, Fly? Why?
@ Friday, Sep. 05, 2008 – 12:36:44 am
I've spent most of the evening with lappy in front of me and a drinkie by my side with no problems. I nipped out to the pub for an hour or so with no problems. So why, at this time of night does a house-fly decide that it really needs to buzz around my head in that annoyingly loud way that they reserve for this hour?
Is it hinting that maybe, just maybe, I should take a bath? after all it's been all of four days since my last one...
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Standards
@ Friday, Sep. 05, 2008 – 12:09:54 am
I have some, at least.
I have just come home from the pub. While I was at the pub I was offered a £5 bet on "Guess the age of the Birthday Girl". This is not a game that I relish being challenged to by anyoone, let alone the girl in question and her drunken boyfriend. OK, it was the boyfriend offering a fiver for the winner provided that it was the first guess.
Last night I was in a bad mood, so I went to the pub forgetting that it was Wednesday. Wednesday night is quiz night, so it should have been packed to the gunwalls. It was empty by the time I got there (10:20 pm) and the quiz had finished. That would never have happened in my time as quizmaster, the entertainment would carry on until way past closing time. But that's another story that I have touched upon before on my blog.
Tonight I was in a good mood. I felt - and still feel - that I had done a good job today, well worth some credit, but that may or may not be forthcoming by close of play tomorrow, so I felt like having a wee drinkie.
On my way home I caught up with the birthday girl and her friends as they walked along my road. Birthday girl was a little disconcerted to have someone walking along a dark alley behind her and she called out "Who's that?"
I responded with a quiet "only me," as I walked into the light of the only working streetlamp in the vicinity."Oh, it's you!" she responded. "It's OK, guys. He's really cool. He's got good taste in music. Every time I see him he's got his headphones on and I snuck a quick listen last time. I think he was listening to The Prodigy or sumfink."
So she likes me. She trusts me because of my taste in music
. She now knows where I live.
She's a fairly good looking girl, too.Just such a shame that even at my age, I'm old enough to be her father...
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Moods (Hoiked from Playwrite27)
@ Thursday, Sep. 04, 2008 – 12:58:36 am
What's your current mood like?
I took this quiz- What's your current mood like?
My Result Was:
Right now, your mood is grumpy and grouchy. You are a bit angry as well.
Take this quiz- What's your current mood like?
More Friendster Quizzes on lots of topics.Now there's a
surprise. 
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'Scuse the language...
@ Wednesday, Sep. 03, 2008 – 10:15:47 pm
...but seriously, fuck this. It's quarter-past-ten. I'm off down the pub for an hour.
Switching to iPod-mode, so I won't be able to watch any embedded videos or stuff for a while.
I just need to get out for a bit.
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10 Things about NotBob
@ Tuesday, Sep. 02, 2008 – 10:14:03 pm
Little known facts about my good self, as nicked from Landers:
Ten Top Trivia Tips about NotBob!
- Louisa May Alcott, author of 'Little NotBob', hated NotBob and only wrote the book at her publisher's request!
- Edinburgh imports three thousand kilograms of NotBob every year!
- Forty percent of the world's almonds and twenty percent of the world's peanuts are used in the manufacture of NotBob.
- Influenza got its name because people believed the disease was caused by the evil "influence" of NotBob.
- Without NotBob, we would have to pollinate apple trees by hand.
- NotBob was the first Tsar of Russia.
- Reindeer like to eat NotBob.
- Devoid of its cells and proteins, NotBob has the same chemical makeup as sea water.
- In the Great Seal of the United States the eagle grasps 13 arrows and NotBob!
- The ace of spades in a playing card deck symbolizes NotBob.
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How Better to Rock Out?
@ Tuesday, Sep. 02, 2008 – 07:35:21 pm
That's what I want at my funeral!Highway to Hell popular at funerals
AC/DC's Highway to Hell is becoming one of the most requested funeral tunes in Australia.
Ding Dong the Witch is Dead from the Wizard of Oz, and Another One Bites the Dust by Queen are also popular, reports the Daily Telegraph.
Funeral managers at Centennial Park, the largest cemetery and crematorium in Adelaide, said only two hymns still rank among its top 10 most popular funeral songs: Amazing Grace and Abide With Me.
Highway to Hell, which includes the line: "Going down, party time; My friends are gonna be there too", is just outside the top ten, with Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven.
Leading the funeral chart is crooner Frank Sinatra's classic hit My Way followed by Louis Armstrong's version of Wonderful World.
"Some of the more unusual songs we hear actually work very well within the service because they represent the person's character," Centennial Park chief executive Bryan Elliott said.
Among other less conventional choices were Always Look on the Bright Side of Life by Monty Python, Hit the Road Jack, and I'll Sleep When I'm Dead.
Source: Ananova
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Dead Men Don't...
@ Tuesday, Sep. 02, 2008 – 01:15:31 am
...need medical assistance
A severe case of "D'oh!"
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Now I've caught up...
@ Tuesday, Sep. 02, 2008 – 01:09:21 am
...I find it's time for bed.
In the mean time though, I'd better note the most remarkable points of my day.
Erm...
Oh, yeah, and then erm...
Ah, you should have seen it when erm...
Nope.
Nothing.
Today has been a complete non-event for me.
Except for one thing. I am finding it difficult to drive while wearing my new boots. I guess I just need to break them in over the next few days.
G'night!
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A Day In Boringsville, UK
@ Saturday, Aug. 30, 2008 – 09:17:19 pm
Right. Light's try posting this a THIRD time. I got logged out the first time and the second time lappy decided that it wasn't happy with what I was doing having IE open for so long. Jeez, computers can be so uppity at times, can't they?
This could either be an epic post with dodgy piccies taken with my new phone, or it could be the most boring thing you've ever seen. You have been warned!
OK, let's start with some of my hometown's murals as I said to Usky that I'd try to post some a couple of weeks ago...
Along the High Street a depiction of life as it would have been during the town's heyday shortly after the opening of the branch line to Brookwood Cemetary:
Then under Victoria Arch, we find some more, unfortunately most have been vandalised by idiots with no sense of the history of this town
, but of the least damaged these represent the importance to the town ofThe Basingstoke Canal;
the Shah Jihan Mosque, the first mosque to be built in England;
Woking Football Club, founded in 1889, and defeated 1-0 by Everton in the 1991 FA Cup (the only football match I've ever been to watch);
the London-Portsmouth mainline whose branching of to Brookwood gave life to the town through death, ironically;
and the towns coat of arms;
Now we can go for a wander around a small part of the main town itself from Victoria Arch towards and through the market
down along Commercial Way,
catching a glimpse of the Hawker Hunter outside the nightclub
then a quick look up Chertsey Road towards the station,
and then off down Chertsey Road towards Dukes Court.
Here's a view a certain fellow blogger may or may not recognise - Dukes Court from outside the Rat and Parrot.
After a swift half (or two *ahem*) at the Rat, it was time to meander homeward. On the way home I took in the views of the rear end of a martian war machine
and the eyesore that is the Lightbox.
After that I retired to the peace, tranquility and above all coolness of home to try on my new boots!
And it's only taken me 4-and-a-half hours to post this.
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HELP! My Feet Have Shrunk!!!
@ Saturday, Aug. 30, 2008 – 04:48:37 pm
I just hope the same hasn't happened to other parts of me. *ahem*
I'm at the pub (second visit today, for shame) on the way back home from a sweltering afternoon in very sunny Woking. I haven't been in to town for weeks, but little has changed. It's still a shite-hole of a town, despite recent redevelopments.
Anyway, the main reason for my little trek into Boringsville was to buy some new boots. I'm glad to say that that mission has been accomplished and it came in under budget!
£9.99 for a decent pair of size eights. Eights? I've taken size tens for years! How come my feet have shrunk so much?
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Testing again
@ Saturday, Aug. 30, 2008 – 12:24:10 am
Filmed at lunchtime. Test film take 2.
YES! It works!
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Motor Morons
@ Friday, Aug. 29, 2008 – 11:44:05 pm
We’ve just had one of our pool cars come back from being serviced, and the bloke who did it said that the front tyres were borderline illegal, with only 2mm of tread so they ought to be replaced.
As it’s going back and forth to Bristol all next week, I took it down to Kwikfit and told the guys there what had been said to us. After a brief inspection, one of the lads came back to me and told me that there was nothing wrong with the tyres, “Well, I don’t know which part of the tyres he was measuring. They’re fine, and the lease company won’t authorize replacing them.”
That’s the first time we’ve used that garage for servicing, and unfortunately as we don’t control the contract, it won’t be the last. I certainly will be doubtful of anything they say in future. -
A New Stalker
@ Friday, Aug. 29, 2008 – 10:33:20 pm
I has one!
Hollo dear
I am a lady with great sense of humour,am good looking and understanding,am 22 years old female, i want to meet a man of trust and honesty,who i can share my love, and also spent the rest of my life with.Someone with intellect and respect, a man that knows how to treat uncommon girl.My mail address is (joysonia4love@[well known provider].com) You can contact me with my mail address above for easy communication and to know each other very well. Looking forward to hear from you soonest, i will tell you more about me when i hear from you. I will send my pictures in my next mail when i hear from you ok. Have a nice day with lovely kisses,please dont forget to write me back through mail address for easy communication.
Yours Joy.Thanks for the lovely kisses, dear, but maybe not, eh?
I'll be honest with you. Someone of my intellect can sense a scam message a mile off, so with respect, BUGGER OFF! -
Can't Stop For Long
@ Friday, Aug. 29, 2008 – 09:37:37 pm
My brother's just flown in from Luxembourg for the weekend, and the first any of us knew of this was when he walked in the front door. Surprised the lot of us, but none so much as Penny. She didn't now whether to bark at him or greet him at first, so she did both!
Anyway, while I'm here I may as well tell you lot about the rest of my day...
I got the best feeling I’ve had for ages this morning when I took £200 out at the ATM and the balance on the receipt was still in four figures! I’m rich! RICH! RICH!
Shame the first £45 I spent was on fuel for the car, but you can’t have everything, can you?Bought one of the items on my little list at lunchtime. An LG “chocolate” KG800 mobile and I’ve spent all afternoon playing with it. I like it. It’s so much better than my old phone.
I’ve never had a phone that can take piccies:
Ooops! Deleted this one by accident!
Dude, where's my computer?
The Polo field, from my office:
Not bad for £50. I still want a decent camera, though.
Tomorrow, I will mostly be shopping for boots.
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Can't Wait
@ Friday, Aug. 29, 2008 – 12:45:39 am
I can't wait to get to the bank in the morning and take out some of that lovely, lovely bonus and fritter it away on something trivial.
And then I might buy myself lunch. A proper lunch consisting of food for a change.
But then again, why change the habit of a lunchtime?
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What The???
@ Wednesday, Aug. 27, 2008 – 09:07:28 pm
I've just noticed in my "Live traffic feed" tracking box wot I just put up last night that there are some very strange people out there.
People like the Belgian visitor who stumbled over THIS POST after googling for "RAF porn"
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Snapshots - Feeling Tuesday
@ Wednesday, Aug. 27, 2008 – 06:20:43 pm
09.30:
Nothing like a Bank Holiday for putting your body-clock out of kilter, is there?
I’ve been counting down the days until Saturday because I get paid on Saturday, but it’s not Saturday, it should be Friday, but my head says that’s another day away so that would be Saturday. I’ve just got to try to convince myself that I get paid on Thursday so that my internal calendar can compensate for having two Sundays. Does any of that make any kind of sense? No? Didn’t think so, but that’s what it’s like in my little brain.
10.28:
And now it seems I’m an hour ahead of myself, too. I was just thinking “Only an hour ‘til lunchtime…”
An hour ahead, but a day behind. Where have the other 23 hours gone to?
