@ Friday, Aug. 29, 2008 – 12:45:39 am
I can't wait to get to the bank in the morning and take out some of that lovely, lovely bonus and fritter it away on something trivial.
And then I might buy myself lunch. A proper lunch consisting of food for a change.
But then again, why change the habit of a lunchtime? 
@ Wednesday, Aug. 27, 2008 – 09:07:28 pm
I've just noticed in my "Live traffic feed" tracking box wot I just put up last night that there are some very strange people out there.
People like the Belgian visitor who stumbled over THIS POST after googling for "RAF porn" 
@ Wednesday, Aug. 27, 2008 – 06:20:43 pm
09.30:
Nothing like a Bank Holiday for putting your body-clock out of kilter, is there?
I’ve been counting down the days until Saturday because I get paid on Saturday, but it’s not Saturday, it should be Friday, but my head says that’s another day away so that would be Saturday. I’ve just got to try to convince myself that I get paid on Thursday so that my internal calendar can compensate for having two Sundays. Does any of that make any kind of sense? No? Didn’t think so, but that’s what it’s like in my little brain. 
10.28:
And now it seems I’m an hour ahead of myself, too. I was just thinking “Only an hour ‘til lunchtime…”
An hour ahead, but a day behind. Where have the other 23 hours gone to? 
@ Wednesday, Aug. 27, 2008 – 12:55:13 am
Today felt like Monday,
I know it was Tuesday.
It's now Wednesday.
and I'm feeling rather Thursday
G'night all! 
@ Tuesday, Aug. 26, 2008 – 08:53:29 pm
1. Moles are always smaller than you imagine.
2. One of the most awkward things to happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with that of a total stranger.
3. Everyone who grew up in the ‘80s has entered the digits “5318008” into a calculator.
4. Reading while drunk is horrible. You always seem to read the same paragraph at least twice.
5. Reading while drunk is horrible. You always seem to read the same paragraph at least twice.
6. Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel manly.
7. You are never quite sure whether it is legal to have a fire in your own garden.
8. Whatever your age, the urge to make Barbie and Action Man shag is almost impossible to resist.
*But surely Barbie comes with Ken?*
*No, she comes with Action Man, she fakes it with Ken* 
9. You never know where to look when eating an apple.
10. You never know where to look when in the presence of a woman eating a banana.
11. It is virtually impossible to describe the smell of wet cat in polite company.
12. Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel like a Man.
13. When clearing out an overgrown garden you will always find a rubber ball.
14. You always feel a bit nervous when stroking a horse.
15. The most embarrassing thing to do at school is to call your teacher “Mum”.
16. The smaller the dog, the more it looks at you as if it would happily kill you given half a chance.
17. Some days you see a lot of people on mobility scooters.
18. Every bloke has flushed half-way through and raced it.
19. Elderly women with mobile phones just look wrong, somehow.
20. Driving through a tunnel is an adventure in itself.
21. Elderly women can eat far more than you think.
22. There is no way that you can respect a man who carries his dog. Unless it’s a Rottweiler.
23. There’s no panic like the panic you feel when you find you hand is stuck in something.
24. The most painful household incident is treading on an upturned electrical plug.
25. People who don’t drive slam car doors far too hard.
26. The day you keep aside a thin piece of wood to stir paint with is the day you’ve turned into your father.
27. Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
28. Bricks are horrible to carry.
29. In every bag of chips there’s one green one.
30. Triangular sandwiches taste better.
@ Tuesday, Aug. 26, 2008 – 07:20:40 pm
1. More than 98% of felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children brought up in bread-using households fall below average in standardized tests.
3. In the 18th Century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90% of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of bread consumption.
5. Bread is addictive. Subjects deprived of bread have been known to beg for it after as little as two days.
6. Bread is often a “gateway” food item, often leading to “harder” items such as butter, jam, peanut butter, cold meats and even MARMITE.
7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. As the human body is more than 90% water, the consumption of too much bread will result in your turning into some kind of gooey, squidgy bread pudding-like mass.
8. In 95% of fatal road accidents where a driver is at fault, that driver is found to have eaten bread.
9. Bread is baked at over 400o Fahrenheit – hot enough to kill an adult within minutes.
10. Most bread eaters are unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
@ Tuesday, Aug. 26, 2008 – 06:41:55 pm
Or something like that.
I checked my mobile phone credit this morning. I have £2.87 remaining.
The last time I remember topping up my credit was back in May when I put £20 on it.
I’m just not a very chatty person, really, OK?
Some may say that that shows I’m a man of action rather than of words, but calling me a man of action is a bit extreme. I mean, “Man of Action” implies activity and activity implies effort, but then again, “man of sitting on the sofa with his laptop in front of him” doesn’t sound too good, does it?
@ Monday, Aug. 25, 2008 – 08:18:05 pm
Have I not posted anything today?
Must be a sign of how interesting this Bank Holiday Monday has been.
I've decided that in order to appear more health-conscious at work, I'm going to cycle to the pub for lunch. A small gesture, but it may be noticed. As well as that, I might be able to sell the damn bike to one of my co-workers if they actually see it.
I've been meaning to sell it for over a year because I bought a better one.
Ho-hum. Better get round to sticking it in the back of the car ready for tomorrow.
@ Sunday, Aug. 24, 2008 – 11:06:03 pm
I have several friends online here who are keen on Doctor Who, some of them have been since the glory days of Tom Baker, Jon Pertwee or even earlier, and a few could be classed as borderline obsessives (you know who you are!)
I enjoy these people's friendships as I normally look beyond what anyone's interests are in order to try and get to know the person rather than the interests.
BUT - here's the confession - I've only ever dabbled a bit with the newer series of DW, nowhere near enough to even call myself a viewer, let alone a fan - so far I think I've seen two complete episodes of Doctor Who and around half a dozen of Torchwood, yet I still enjoy some of the banter about the series and occasionally join in with ribbing Mr Tennant.
There. That's got that off my chest, I feel so much better now.
Thank you for your understanding.
@ Sunday, Aug. 24, 2008 – 12:11:20 pm
No, I don't care that the European Grand Prix clashes with the Olympic Closing Ceremony.
I wanna watch the brm-brms!
*stamps foot and throws a minor hissy fit*
@ Sunday, Aug. 24, 2008 – 01:32:16 am
If it's not one thing, it's another!
I've just tried to take a quick piccie of the dogs being cute, but I can't.
My camera is broken. 
Mind you, it was a cheap camera anyway, and totally inadequate for what I want out of a camera.
So that's another item on my shopping list.
Boots,
Battery for lappy (still haven't got round to buying that!)
Web 'n' Walk dongle,
Mobile phone,
Camera.
Not necessarily in that order.
Which reminds me...
Reeves and Mortimer, eat your hearts out! 
@ Sunday, Aug. 24, 2008 – 12:43:08 am
YES! The NeoKube is back for another fortnight!
It's back by popular (my) demand because it's so feckin' kewell.
Why only a fortnight? Because I'm a skinflint and refuse to pay for it. I'm trying it out again until they take it away from me. I have enough email accounts available to me at present to do this three more times, so fiddle with me widget while you can!
@ Saturday, Aug. 23, 2008 – 11:41:24 pm
Sometimes I feel that I can't go on with this, that it's starting to become a chore.
It was bad enough when blogging was just a habit, but now it occasionally feels like hard work. Hard, boring work, trying to think of what I want to keep recorded for posterity in cyberspace and deciding what I should keep to myself, and wading through page after page of other people's not-so-secrets.
Then I look at my stats.
How could I even dream of letting down the THOUSANDS of people who read my blog? I can't just leave them hanging on to the edge of that cliff, can I?
Will he buy himself a new pair of boots? Or that USB Modem? Or even that swish new phone he's got his eye on?
What will he spend his bonus on?
So many questions yet to be answered. And so much music for my little ferrety friend to find.
Can I give this up? Yes. I'd do it tomorrow, if I had to.
Will I give it up? What? And leave an audience disappointed like I did with my quiz-nights?
As if I would! 
Aaaaah! The roar of the grease-paint, the smell of the crowd...
@ Saturday, Aug. 23, 2008 – 06:52:34 pm
How long have I lived with my parents?
All my bloody life, that's how long. So you'd think after all this time they'd sort of understand that I'm rather keen on watching anything with an engine being put through its paces. So how come, this afternoon, when I should have been riveted by the qualifying sessions for tomorrow's European Grand Prix from Valencia, was I watching that 14-year-old diver (well done, lad. You'll be even better in four years' time!) and "admiring" the "artistry" of the Synchronised Drowning?
Anyway, GO LEWIS! 2nd on the grid, but I know you can convert that to top of the podium!
@ Saturday, Aug. 23, 2008 – 06:04:02 pm
|
Your Passion is Pink |
|
You tend to enjoy teasing and flaunting much more than actual sex. You're a notorious flirt, and you can pick up anyone you desire. As a result, your reputation is a lot steamier than your real sex life. |
@ Saturday, Aug. 23, 2008 – 03:01:48 am
3am and I'm still blogging.
Thank feck it's now Saturday and I have nothing planned for the morning.
Night all!
@ Friday, Aug. 22, 2008 – 06:19:12 pm
I received a small blue envelope this morning. I looked at it and I knew exactly what it was, but not what it contained. I opened it with trembling hands, the sweat of anticipation beading on my brow (or maybe that’s the hangover kicking in?) and I saw before me a figure.
Or should I say four figures? Six if you include the pennies. 
Yes, it’s my pay statement. One week from today I will have over a thousand pounds in my bank account for the first time since I had my teeth (and the contents of my wallet) pulled out over two years ago.
My finances have never really recovered from having to pay for that. OK, buying the lappy and the iPod haven’t exactly helped matters along the way, but you have to have the essentials, don’t you? 
Roll on, next Friday! 
I’s skint until then though. Another fun-packed Bank Holiday weekend in store for me then, isn’t it?
@ Friday, Aug. 22, 2008 – 01:11:30 am
Does anyone recognise the following problem?
I have for my security when I'm surfing (or even usually just blogging) Grisoft AVG 8.0 Free and Spybot Search&Destroy.
I've only recently upgraded to AVG 8.0 and it keeps throwing up a screen saying that it has discovered a threat, but if I click to erase the threat another panel opens up saying that it can't find the relevant files. I never had this problem with AVG 7.
Is my lappy getting paranoid or is it me?
Talking of paranoid:
@ Friday, Aug. 22, 2008 – 12:05:16 am
I received an email this morning at work telling all staff that there would be a powercut next Wednesday in order for essential maintenance to be carried out. There then followed a good few phone calls between our Buiding Manager and the Maintenance Department, but the end result is that the power outage has been brought forward to tomorrow (Friday) afternoon.
Bloody good call, that. EXTRA LONG WEEKEND! WOOHOO!
Shame I don't have the money to enjoy it. 
@ Thursday, Aug. 21, 2008 – 10:00:22 pm
Way to go, Worcester Poly!
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/08/080812135702.htm
So while the roads are being dug up to install that, the weight of traffic increases reducing the amount of sunlight falling on the stretch of road that they've just put down that has been installed with it, eh?
OK, that's just short term thinking, but jeez, you may as well install mini hydro-electric power plants under every drain cover in the country.
Meh! Every little helps, I suppose.
@ Wednesday, Aug. 20, 2008 – 11:56:38 pm
Nicked from Smitty via Chyna_Doll
Name a CD you own that no one else on your friends list does.
Cockpit Voice Recording from the last flight of Concorde into LHR (thanks to a friend in the industry )
Name a book you own that no one else on your friends list does.
Jennifer Government by Max Barry
Name a movie you own on DVD/VHS/whatever that no one else on your friends list does.
The Jigsaw Man
Name a place that you have visited that no one else on your friends list has.
The site on Horsell Common that inspired HG Wells to write "War of the Worlds"
Name a piece of technology or any sort of tool you own that you think no one else on your friends list has.
Canon CLC 4040 photocopier. OK, I don't own it, but I'm the only one at work that's authorised to use it. Does that count?
@ Wednesday, Aug. 20, 2008 – 10:50:27 pm
Nicked from several sources:
1. Are you married or single?
Single. Not looking, either
2. Do you have brothers and sisters?
Two brothers.
3. * Are they older or younger than you?
Both older.
4. Have you ever met a famous person?
Yes. John Thaw, Sally James (phwooaaar!), Ed "Stewpot" Stuart and a few others
5. What countries have you visited?
Ireland, Italy, France, Scotland, Wales, Egypt, Belgium, Luxembourg, Germany (for an hour for lunch)
6. What do you do on Sundays?
As little as is humanly possible.
7. What kind of people do you not like?
Racists, snobs and anyone who thinks violence is an acceptable tool in an argument.
8. Who has had the most influence in your life?
My parents
9. Would you like to be famous?
No thanks.
10. How many different towns or cities have you lived in?
Only one, and I wish I could afford to leave it.
11. Which do you prefer, sunrises or sunsets?
Sunsets. Sunrise happens too early.
12. What was the last book you read?
Jennifer Government by Max Barry
13. What's your favorite food?
Italian.
14. Do you live in a house or an apartment/flat or other?
Three bedrom Semi with a large-ish garden (good for the dogs!
15. How tall are you?
Dunno. About average.
16. What are your hobbies?
Computer games, Crosswords, Drinking
17. What's something you do well?
My job (when they let me)
18. Which sports do you like to watch/play?
Motorsports (any kind), Ice Hockey, Darts
19. Are you a 'morning' or 'night' person?
Definitely night.
20. What is your motto?
Don't knock it unless you've tried it.
@ Wednesday, Aug. 20, 2008 – 09:26:59 pm
Did I hear this on the telly last night or was I imagining the whole thing?
Pedigree dogs, particularly show standard dogs, are prone to health problems through years of being in-bred.
OK. Now tell me something new.
Show standard dogs - the ones you see winning “Best of Breed” at Crufts - are about as far from standard for their breed as you can get. I like watching dog shows, except when they concentrate on the more “specialised” breeds like the Pug, Bloodhound, and Bulldog whose features are now so grossly exaggerated that awarding a prize to any of them is like handing an award to the best freak in the travelling circus. Some of these breeds at that level of competition, particularly the Bulldog, can’t even give birth naturally because they are so deformed, Pugs are born with breathing problems because of the shape of their nose, Bloodhounds suffer serious eye problems because their jowls have to droop to a certain standard set by idiots at the Kennel Club with some twisted idea of what the dog should look like. Even the more “normal” dogs such as the German Shepherd and the Dalmatian aren’t necessarily the best in breed at that level even if they do get awarded the prize. Isn’t it obvious that the same applies to dogs as it does to humans? Look at the Royal Family. Would you award any of them “Best in Show”? I rest my case.
One thing I have known for almost as long as I have owned dogs is that, in general, a mongrel will outlive a pure-bred, and a pure-bred will outlive a pedigree pooch.
Having said that, my Paddington is a pedigree Newfie aged 14 years and still going strong, but he’s not show standard (he’s too small and his tail’s got a kink in it.) That’s not to say he doesn’t have his health problems, but fortunately they’re ones you would associate with age, rather than heredity. I suppose he’s the exception that proves the rule…
@ Wednesday, Aug. 20, 2008 – 01:13:00 am
Nearly dropped off to sleep just then with my lappy and the telly on.
Time for bed, methinks! G'night!
@ Tuesday, Aug. 19, 2008 – 07:10:57 pm
Still no internet at work, as yet, but the problem has been noted.
Not that it matters too much as I wouldn’t be able to blog whether I had connectivity or not.
You should see how tidy my office is now! I’ve almost completely rid myself of that pile of shredding in the corner and can actually get to the sink! I still can’t stand the way they dump that task on me, it’s not my bloody rubbish. 
Gives me something to do though.
Next job, tidying the paper store.
It’s already as tidy as it needs be. OK, there’s half a dozen empty boxes in there, but I’m saving those for a friend. Honest, I am. I’ll be meeting him on Thursday, so they won’t be there after that.
-o0o-
What the hell do I have to do to get our suppliers to deliver the right amount of paper, eh?
This afternoon I received 2 reams of plain white A3 paper when I’d ordered 2 boxes (5 reams per box), but the other month when I ordered 1ream of yellow A3, one box arrived! That’s going to last me until bleedin’ doomsday, yet I’ll have to keep reordering the plain stuff just in case I order 10 reams and 10 boxes turn up!
Same thing happened about 5 years ago with coloured A4 cardstock. I wanted 1 ream of each colour. What did I get?
You guessed it! 1 box of each.
5 years on and I’m only half-way through the first ream of them! 
@ Tuesday, Aug. 19, 2008 – 12:00:42 am
...to the pub for the last pint and a packet of expensive ciggies *D'OH!*, where I happened into Willy.
My old friend Willy - the one who used to be quizmaster at my local, and also who took me on my first adult (ie no parents, no teachers) holiday to Egypt - has been back in the UK to visit his parents for the weekend.
I don't know how much time he spent with his parents, but apprently he's spent much of the time down the pub boring everyone stupid with his tales of Hungary, holidays and how brilliant the computer systems he personally designed for the Stock Market work.
I thought I was a geek! This guy doesn't just take the biscuit, he runs away with the whole fecking barrel!
Jeez! I mean, when I got so bored with listening to him wittering on about 40Gigabyes hard drives and saving up to 60Terabytes of information per year I'm afraid my social etiquette switched itself off and I turned my iPod on to catch up with blogland.
"Oh!" Says he, "What piece of apple's finest is that?"
"Just an 8Gig touch." I concede.
"Only 8Gig? I've got a mate who bought one of those at duty free when he went out to New York and then looked around to compare prices..."
I've got to say that I'm not too ashamed about finding that that particular moment was the moment that I desperatley needed to nip outside for a smoke.
Not satisfied with one-upmanship, he has to go that extra mile by doing it by proxy. The git.
BTW, he's not been on my christmas card list for donkeys years, so I'm not shedding any tears over it.
