Confusion Reigns Supreme

Neddy: It was dark in the safe so I took out a book of matches and started to read. 'To ignite match detach from pack and strike against bottom.'

"Woop!"

By the light of my burning trousers I could see...

Eccles: "Put that light out! Put that light out! Put that light out, my good man! Put that.. Oh! Who put that light out? Who put the light out?"
Neddy: "So, have you pawned yourself too?"
Eccles: "No, I only pawned my socks."
Neddy: "So what are you doing in here?"
Eccles: "I can't get my boots off."

Yes I know, I've missed a few days, but what the hey?

Today's word:

Hoisin

Noun, Singular
A sauce made from soy, garlic, chili etc, used in Chinese cooking

Today is Leap Day.

45 B.C. - The first Leap Day was recognized by proclamation of Julius Caesar.

Have you leaped yet? I have. This morning as soon as I woke up I leapt off the sofa and dashed to the littlest room. *ahem*

Anyways, traditionally today is the only day when a woman can propose to her man. I think I might stay in tonight, rather than see someone getting caught out like that. Goodness knows it won't be me.

It would also have been my grandmother's 24th birthday.

Some famous birthdays for Leap Day: clicky on the name for a wiki-explanation
Gioacchino Rossini (1792)
Morarji Desai (1896)
Jimmy Dorsey (1904)
Balthus (1908)
James Mitchell (1920)
Michele Morgan (1920)
Joss Ackland (1928)
Alex Rocco (1936)
Phyllis Frelich (1944)
Dennis Farina (1964)
Antonio Sabato Jr. (1972)
Ja Rule (1976)

Crumbly Office Syndrome. We has it.
Bits of plaster keep falling from the walls, and the other night a whole section of ceiling came down. A hole about 6 feet by 2 has fallen away exposing the underside of the floor above. There's dust everywhere and people are far more worried about the wedding that's being held here tomorrow than they are about the safety of us up here in the offices.

It's typical of our organisation, though. If there's building maintenance to be done, it gets contracted out to the cheapest bunch of cowboys we can get, and then we wonder why it costs twice as much again to put right the repairs that were bodged from the start.

That's no way to treat an occupied Grade II Listed building.

I had a little mini-rant t'other day about the vending machines in this office block.
They've come and re-stocked them again. And they brought BBQ Beef Hula Hoops this time! YIPPEEEE!
*scoots round office on swivel-chair*

BUT - you knew there was going to be a but, didn't you? - They've only gone and topped up the supply of chocolate milkshakes with no sign of any other flavours.

I had a strange dream last night. I had ignored my father when he said to me that I gambled too much and only ever thought of myself, which I suppose is true, apart from the gambling bit - I haven't touched a one-armed bandit for over three years now - and I was down the pub, which isn't all that an unusual thing for me to dream of, and it was busy. I bought a raffle ticket, but I didn't know what the prize would be. I don't know what I was expecting, a cuddly toy? A joint of beef? I had a glass of cider in front of me next to my laptop and from the bar I heard the cry go up "Blue 215!" and I looked in my hand and found my ticket was blue with 215 on it. I went to the bar to collect my prize.
It was a gallon bottle of whisky. Dad'll appreciate this, I thought. Always thinking of myself, eh?

And with that I awoke. On the sofa. Again.

I've just found several hotspots in between the pub and my house, but I'm buggered if I'm spending all night blogging in a dark alley!

I've not yet been able to see who won in all categories but congratulations to everyone who won. I know I didn't,but I now know what it takes to be a winner. Many thanks to that person/those people who nominated me for best male newcomer. Guess I won't be up for that one next year.

...and what has happened in my little corner of the world?

As you probably know from yesterday's posting, I've not had a lot to do today. But did I fill my time with blogging lots of humourous quotes, quips and quandries?

No. I spent most of it catching up with you lot. And to think Old-Nick was thinking it was quiet!

Mind you, going for lunch at twelve-fifteen and not coming back until twenty-past two sort of ate into the working day. *ahem* And now it's nearly five and time for me to go home, where I'll spend most of the evening drinking cider and playing Wip3out until I can find at least £3 for a quick pint before the pub shuts.

Tomorrow I shall be trying to avoid attending another presentation about the future of our organisation, especially considering that I am not alone in the belief that if this tunch of bosses continue with what they are doing to this unit we won't have a future.

And I was going to get so much done today

Oooh! I wondered why my pageviews had gone up a bit. Seems I've been mentioned!
Thanks, Lyndlj!

Maybe it's a bit late for me to come up with oodles and oodles of funnies to swing your votes my way, but you have until 8pm to decide that you are DEFINITELY GOING TO VOTE FOR ME!!! please

Well, I made it through that day! Four different reports produced for two different organisations. Checked my works e-mails to find another two reports in the pipeline needed by Monday morning. I guess I’m not going to the Salisbury social with my colleagues after all (good!)

Looks like I’ll be spending the next couple of days in the office on my own, apart from the accountants who keep themselves to themselves except when they’re e-mailing me reports to publish and popping in for another set of business cards. How much work will be done? All of it. How long will it take? About half an hour to an hour, two hours max. What will I do with myself the rest of the time?

Just a brief posting to say farkin' 'ell, I been busy today! Almost a constant stream of people needing my services.

Must go now. Too busy to stop!

"Ooh! You should have charged this thing up a bit more than you did, young man! I'll punish you by turning off unexpectedly! And don't you think you could have dressed up a bit more before taking me out? You'll never find a partner dressed like that..."

And so it was that I found myself down the pub, blogging away when suddenly the message came up "Battery critical". I've packed Lappy away and thank my lucky stars that I've got the iPod to fall back on.

Hotmail's playing up big time this afternoon. I've not been able to check my e-mails for the last couple of hours. I'm suffering withdrawal symptoms already!
 

Heeyy!!!!

Which Jane Austen Character Are You?

You are Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. You're pretty arrogant, but that pride stems from the deep-seated knowledge that you are generally the most superior creature in any given room. The good news is that you are deeply loyal to your family, and you have a generous and charitable streak, even though most people don't notice because you are too busy practicing a large vocabulary of stern looks.
Take this quiz!

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Back in November I blogged about a piccie of a poppy I'd taken a few years back.

I've just found it.

Nice, innit?

Did you know:

Polar bears are left handed?

Butterflies smell with their feet?

If you fed an ant the equivalent of a bottle of vodka it would be totally incapable of operating heavy machinery?

Just a few random thoughts going through my mind at the moment.

Looking back at your youth answer each of these questions:

1. Super hero you wanted to be.

Batman

2. Pop star you wanted to meet.

Alison Moyet

3. First Silver Screen crush.

Doris Day

4. First TV Newsreader you can remember.

Richard Baker

5. Favorite DJ of your youth.

Dave Lee Travis aka "The Hairy Cornflake"

6. Favorite movie of your youth.

Calamity Jane.

7. Your first single.

9. Your Favourite toy.

Raleigh Tomohawk

10. First famous band you saw live.

Wishbone Ash

You Are Basil

You are quite popular and loved by most people. You have a mild temperament, but your style is definitely distinctive. You are sweet, attractive, and you often smell good.

Don't know about the "often smell good" bit, but I like the rest

That frog that I mentioned in my last post must have been thirsty. I've just had to pick him up from the front door of the pub. This time I've relocated him to the common a little further away from the pub by hand, rather than just intimidate him into moving in that general direction. The poor little thing's heart was beating away twenty to the dozen.

Compassionate little NotBob, ain't I?

I just nipped out for a ciggie (something else for me to cut back on this week ) and had to shoo away a little frog from just outside the front door of the pub. Imagine one of the not-so-sober patrons not noticing it - . Dashed over to the shelter and lit up, and as I took my first draw there came a sound I haven't heard for a while, and never so near. The hoot of an owl not 20 yards away.

I smiled, thinking how wonderful it is to live so near to the common, and as I smoked my ciggie, the owl carried on hooting, getting a little further away with each call. Bliss.

Then I walked back into the pub to find the music playing in the background was being *ahem* discussed. Bloody Christmas carols in February?

I can't afford it at the moment, but what the heck, eh? I'll just have to cut back on a few things for the next couple of days.

Things like my mid-morning and mid-afternoon forrays to the vending machine.

Nice quiet day today. I spent the morning conquering the world while building a spacecraft to travel to another planet, such is my awesome power. OK, I was playing Civilisation II on my PlayStation. Had sausage and chips with a glass of cider for lunch as we didn't have family around, and discovered that Paddington likes fried tomatoes after one slipped off my plate when I tripped over Penny. I'm sure they did that on purpose

After lunch, a quick run around on Wip3out. Vector class cleared (easily) and now I'm half way through completing all the courses with all the vehicles in Venom class. Never know, maybe next weekend I'll progress up to Rapier class. Vector is just so easy, you can outrun anything else on track before you've even completed the first of the two laps. Venom is something else, though. Your opponents seem to be much more competitive and you have to watch your sheild levels. You'd be lucky to complete the three laps without having to pit for more shield energy.

I just read that back to myself. I've just lost a lot of you haven't I? Oh, well. My blog, I know what I'm talking about, that's all that matters, isn't it?

In other news:
I had a bad night last night sleep-wise, with some pillock (to put it mildly) revving his car engine over and over again from 2 'til 3 in the feckin' morning right outside my bedroom window. Some people don't bother using what little sense they were born with.

I just had a quick look at the stats for this blog. Up to last Thursday I was humming along with between 41 and 204 pageviews per day. Yesterday, 2,486. Today 2,797 and rising.

Strange. Why have I suddenly become so popular a read over the last two days?

Six Nations Rugby result of the day -

Ireland 34, Scotland 13.

And here's me, with my Irish blood coursing through my veins, sitting in a pub run by a Scot. What do you expect me to do?

Henry: "Min, Min, Min-min-min! Wake up, Min!"
Min: "Oh, Henry. Get over your side of the bed. I was having a lovely dream, there. I dreamt I was asleep."
Announcer: These voices are coming from the Pevensey Bay Lifeboat Shed.
Henry: "You heard what the gentleman said, Min. Our voices are coming from the Pevensey Bay Lifeboat shed."
Min: "Oh! We'd better get over there as quickly as possible."
Eccles: (from a distance) "Help! Heelp!"
Henry: "What was that, sir?"
Eccles: "Help! Help! I'm drowning in the water!"
Henry: "You'll have to speak up a bit, I can't quite hear you."
Eccles: "Just a minute."
Henry: "Just a minute..."
*splash, splash, splash, splash, thump, thump, thump.*
*knock, knock*
Henry: "Yes?"
Eccles: (at the door) "I said, 'HELP!'"
Henry: "OK, sir. You just get back in the water, we'll be out as quickly as possible. Min! Prepare the lifeboat! You see that long bit of wood, there? That'll be the keel..."

I've just found this bit of good news/bad news.

I think I'd like to see them kept on the list for a while longer. There's still not enough of them to survive if we start hunting them again.

In other news:
Yup, I managed to get some funds together to last me to the end of the month, but only just enough. *phew*

Which of these Bob Marley songs are you?

You are Jammin'. You are in love with your music and use it to express yourself in all aspects of your life, from religion to the government. When you're jammin' mon, ain't nothin' gonna stop ya from it, and jah want everybody to jam wit ya!
Take this quiz!

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Oh, yus!

I'm going home now to the land of the dial-up connection. I may be back later provided I can scrape together the funds for a pint or two down the pub tonight, but it's not looking good for the weekend.

Yep, you guessed it. Mr Financial-Genius here has suddenly found himself with too much month left at the end of the money. Again! Maybe I shouldn't have bought the iPod after all.

Anyways, If you don't hear from me before have a good weekend! Blog y'all on Monday!

Or Stating the Bleedin' Obvious.

Why do people do it? Do they not realise what a waste of time and effort it is? Why do they always expect an answer?

Yesterday I had to print out some process charts on A0 paper. Quite a few of them, actually. This morning I've got to fold them up in order for them to fit in an A4 report as a fold-out. This is not difficult, it's what I do. One of the accountants comes in and sees me on the floor folding large process charts and says "That's a process chart, isn't it?"
"Yes," I replied, slowly.
"That's a very big piece of paper isn't it?"
"Yup," I responded a little more tersely
"You're folding those down to A4, are you?"
I was very tempted to roll one up and ram it somewhere, but felt that would get neither of us anywhere. So I continued folding this large process chart in silence.
"That's how you do it, is it?"