Confusion Reigns Supreme

This afternoon I took delivery of a brand-spanking-new PC to run the plotter from, rather than rely on a rather cranky laptop. Despite being half-way through producing two reports for two separate organisations - both needed by close of play today - I plugged it in, plugged everything into it and checked what software was pre-installed.
There's just the standard stuff, I didn't expect anything else *shrugs*.

So tomorrow I'll have to install all the specialist software onto it, which will probably take up most of the day, but at the moment it's just sitting there looking good.

One of our consultants comes in just as I plug in the last cable and asks if I can print off a couple of diagrams on the plotter for him.

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Before you ask, I did NOT swear.

Well, not out loud, anyway.

Happy birthday to -

1797 - Franz Shubert
1872 - Zane Grey
1881 - Irving Langmuir
1882 - Anna Pavlova (yes, her of pudding fame)
1892 - Eddie Cantor (Iskowitz)
1893 - Freya Stark
1902 - Tallulah Bankhead
1914 - Jersey Joe Walcott
1915 - Garry Moore
1916 - Frank Parker
1919 - Jackie Robinson
1921 - John Agar
1921 - Mario Lanza
1923 - Carol Channing
1923 - Joanne Dru (LaCock)
1928 - Chuck Willis
1929 - Jean Simmons
1929 - Norman Mailer
1931 - Ernie Banks
1934 - James Franciscus
1937 - Philip Glass
1937 - Suzanne Pleshette
1938 - Queen Beatrix Wilhelmina Armgard (Netherlands) Happy Birthday, Ma'am
1940 - Stuart Margolin
1941 - Richard Gephardt
1944 - Jessica Walter
1944 - Charlie Musselwhite
1946 - Terry Kath (Chicago)
1947 - Nolan Ryan
1951 - Phil Collins
1951 - Phil Manzanera (Roxy Music)
1951 - Harry Wayne Casey (KC and the Sunshine Band)
1956 - Johnny Rotten (The Sex Pistols)
1957 - Shirley Babashoff
1959 - Kelly Lynch
1959 - Anthony LaPaglia
1961 - Lloyd Cole (Lloyd Cole and The Commotions)
1963 - John Dye
1966 - Al Doughty (Jesus Jones)
1971 - Minnie Driver (I used to be a Mini driver. Great little cars, they were! )
1973 - Portia de Rossi
1981 - Justin Timberlake ('N Sync)

We must have either the laziest or the most honest cleaners in the world around here.

You may remember my lost fiver post

Well, it was worse than I thought. It was actually £15 that I'd lost.

I know this for a fact because I've just found it under my desk.

Well, that was a little bit of fun wasn't it?

The canteen staff have yet again been using the smoke alarm as a kitchen timer.

The fire alarms were ringing and as we went downstairs to the fire assembly point there was a distinct whiff of something very much toasted wafting from the canteen.

And they wonder why I go to the pub for lunch!

1860 - Anton Checkhov
1882 - Franklin D. Roosevelt
1911 - Roy Eldridge
1914 - David Wayne
1914 - John Ireland
1922 - Dick Martin
1925 - Dorothy Malone
1925 - Douglas Engelbart
1930 - Gene Hackman
1933 - Louis Rukeyser
1934 - Tammy Grimes
1936 - Horst Jankowski
1937 - Boris Spassky
1937 - Vanessa Redgrave
1938 - Norma Jean
1941 - Dick Cheney
1942 - Marty Balin (Jefferson Airplane)
1947 - Steve Marriott (Humble Pie & Small Faces)
1949 - William King (The Commodores)
1951 - Charles Dutton
1958 - Brett Butler
1959 - Jody Watley
1974 - Christian Bale

Until Pancake Day!

Yes, This year Shrove Tuesday falls on the 5th of February!

You've got all week to follow this simple guide:

I love me pancakes!

Where man and nature are supposed to live in respectful harmony, that something like THIS should happen makes me feel ashamed to be human.

Why?

Simple.

PAYDAY!

I've enough cash in my pocket to fund my living for tomorrow, but the car's running VERY low on go-go juice.

Decisions, decisions. Packet of ciggies and a couple of ciders or a bit of fuel to get me home tomorrow night? Eeesh! No contest, really, is there?

Still, at least there's a couple of cans of Boddingtons in the fridge for emergencies. It'll give me weird dreams, but at least it's like me. Wet and alcoholic!

Well, everyone else is doing it so I suppose, sheep-like I should do likewise:

59% Geek

Oh dear.

Oh deary, deary me.

Must try harder either way.

Today sees the anniversaries of:

Births -

1912 - Jackson Pollock
1927 - Ronnie Scott
1929 - Acker (Bernard) Bilk
1936 - Alan Alda
1943 - Dick Taylor (The Pretty Things)
1944 - Brian Keenan
1944 - John Tavener
1968 - DJ Muggs (Cypress Hill)
1977 - Joey Fatone Jr. ('N Sync)
1980 - Nick Carter (Backstreet Boys)
1981 - Elijah Wood

Events -

1521 - The Diet of Worms began, at which Protestant reformer Luther was declared an outlaw by the Roman Catholic church.
1547 - England's King Henry VIII died. He was succeeded by his 9 year-old son, Edward VI.
1788 - The first British penal settlement was founded at Botany Bay.
1807 - London's Pall Mall became the first street lit by gaslight.
1871 - France surrendered in the Franco-Prussian War.
1878 - The first telephone switchboard was installed in New Haven, CT
1902 - The Carnegie Institution was established in Washington, DC. It began with a gift of $10 million from Andrew Carnegie.
1909 - The United States ended direct control over Cuba.
1915 - The Coast Guard was created by an act of the US Congress.
1918 - The Bolsheviks occupied Helsinki, Finland.
1935 - Iceland became the first country to introduce legalized abortion.
1945 - During World War II, Allied supplies began reaching China over the newly reopened Burma Road.
1958 - Construction began on first private thorium-uranium nuclear reactor.
1960 - The first photograph bounced off of the moon.
1980 - Six Americans who had fled the US embassy in Tehran, Iran, on November 4, 1979, left Iran using false Canadian diplomatic passports. The Americans had been hidden at the Canadian embassy in Tehran.
1986 - The US space shuttle Challenger exploded just after takeoff. All seven of its crewmembers were killed.
1999 - Ford Motor company announced the purchase of Sweden's Volvo AB for $6.45 billion.

In Music -

1904 - Enrico Caruso signed his first contract with Victor Records. He debuted at the Metropolitan Opera two months before.
1927 - Jean Goldkette and his dancing orchestra recorded "I'm Looking Over a Four-Leaf Clover."
1940 - "Beat the Band" made its debut on NBC radio.
1965 - The Who made their first appearance on "Ready Steady Go!"
1966 - Brian Poole and the Tremeloes announced their break-up.
1978 - At the request of a fan, Ted Nugent autographed a man's arm with a bowie knife.
1980 - The original Ants split up with Adam.
1985 - "We Are The World" was recorded. More than 40 artists were involved. The proceeds went toward worldwide hunger prevention.
1991 - Gloria Estefan made her first live performance (at the American Music Awards in Los Angeles) since injuring her back in a bus accident while on tour.
1996 - Diana Ross performed as the featured halftime performer at Super Bowl XX in Tempe, AZ
1999 - Pat Boone formed the Gold Records label, which will only sign artists 45 years old and up. The first perfomer signed was Jack Jones.

Originally posted in error by my trusty(?) side-kick
*ahem*

Just found an article about Voytek, a truly brave bear.

I wonder if he would have lived a little longer without the ciggies, though...

Yes, ONE WEEK.

And then my lunchtimes may never be the same.

They're shutting the pub down for six weeks for refurbishment. What am I gonna do?

SIX WEEKS of refurb!  Nobody'll be able to recognise it! GAH!

My alternatives:
Bar Square - Expensive, even for this shite-hole of a town,
Yates's Wine Lodge - No way!,
The Goose - Cheap drinks, cheap food, smells of piss.  Always has done, even before the smoking ban.
Wetherspoons - GAH!
RSVP (ex Cambridge Arms) - Sterile. No atmosphere. Hate, hate hate!

Or drive a little way out of town for lunch. But that means I won't be able to partake of a couple of imbibements.

BUGGER!

The door at the ground floor level of the stairs at this end of the building is only half-width, the rest of it being a wall with a full-length mirror where you'd expect the other side of a set of double-doors to be. This has led to much amusement among certain members of staff - OK, only me then - when new recruits and visitors come hurtling round the corner to be confronted by someone coming their way.

I've lost count of how many people have apologised to their own reflections!

Shouldn't laugh, but I do, coz I'm like that!

A little gem of a post from the Shit Forum:

quote:Originally posted by Gnome
Do you suffer from OCD?

No, I suffer from CDO. - It's like OCD, but arranged alphabetically (as it SHOULD be!)

--
Frank

2 or 3 serously obscure facts about me.

1. I learned (unofficially) how to drive at the age of 7, but didn't get my driving licence until I was 23 (no I was not driving on public roads between those facts!)

2. As a child I suffered from arthritis, which still plays up occasionally, and Osgood Schlata Disease at the same time. This was a pain in the arse knees, as I had to excercise because of the first, but have total rest because of the second. What do you do? Sacrifice every joint in your body to save your knee or sacrifice your knee?

3. My first pet was a budgerigar called Sunny who developed arthritis in his feet and found it difficult to stay on his perch at night. Many's the time we'd cover his cage and he'd go all nice and quiet and then "Cheep" *thud* . Shouldn't laugh, really. Poor little sod!

Whoever says "A little hard work never hurt anyone" is a lying little scumbag clearly wrong. A stressful job is bad for your health.

Read me

I lift the pack and open it up.
I pull one of its contents out and slip it between my lips.

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An chew like buggery hoping this craving for another ciggie goes away.

GAH!

Ah! Soddit, I need some fresh air after today.

*parp*

...by this country's celebrity-obssessed news media. Paricularly those that I don't normally call the gutter press, because up until now I had at least a smidgen of respect for them. I am also sick and tired of the same celebrities appearing on all manna of "Celebrity" game shows, quizzes, challenge programmes. And why do most of them have to be fronted by either Pants 'n Dick or Davina McSquall?

But I digress. My main gripe is why the fuck does the drug-induced death of a reclusive filmstar in New York automatically knock THIS story of the British front pages?

Go on.

Tell me.

Give me any sensible answer you can.

You can't, can you?

My little Clio, Tuddy, has become a bit more like me since her engine rebuild. She doesn't like cold mornings, either!

Got in, started her up and set off for work. Reversed out of driveway onto the road. Engaged first gear gave her a little gas and with a little *cough* she stalled. Bugger. More gas next time.

Up to the end of the road, traffic clear, straight out and onward up to first roundabout. Clutch out, brakes on, change down a gear or two. Traffic clear, clutch in, more gas, why aren't we going anywhere? - stalled again.

Into traffic queue, stalled. And stalled. And stalled again.

She's going to have to go back to the doctor for a bit of tweakage, methinks.

Bugger.

Just as I predicted on Saturday, today has been the most pointless day I've spent at work this month.

Got to work, left at 9:15 for a drive down to Wiltshire.

Got there ten minutes late for the first meeting.

Sat through ten separate presentations by representatives of a department that after next month we're no longer going to be part of. How pointless is that?

Lunch in the conference room of some ok-ish sandwiches and orange juice and the staff meeting.

afternoon meeting followed by a presentation on how to use the new computer system, which doesn't work yet and won't be installed until November next year. Yet again, how bloody pointless.

And all the time I've got jobs that need doing back in Surrey.

I hate days like this.

Still, made up for it with a trip down the pub after I got back.

I deserved it.

The answers:

Q1: Open the fridge door, insert elephant, close fridge door.

This is a test of your basic logic.

Q2: Open the fridge door, take out the elephant, insert crocodile, close fridge door.

This is a test of your memory and logic.

Q3: Get in the river and wade across. The crocodile is in the fridge.

This is a test of your lateral thinking and also to show that you can identify that there is no need to solve a problem that is not there.

Q4: The human. He ran away when the crocodile escaped from the fridge when he went to check that it was still there.

This is a test to demonstrate your understanding of the consequences of your actions.

If you answered all correctly, CONGRATULATIONS! You are a Management Consultant.

If you got any wrong, CONGRATULATIONS! You are a normal human being!

Just answer the following questions.

1. How do you put an elephant into a refridgerator?

2. How do you put a crocodile into a refridgerator?

3. You come to a river and need to cross, but have heard there's a crocodile in the area. What is the safest way to cross?

4. The animals are all invited to a conference. Which one doesn't attend?

Answer these 4 simple questions correctly and you can call yourself a Management Consultant.

Answers will be given later.

...spending money on myself.

After all, no-one's gonna spend their's on me, are they?

Why do I do it?

Because I's worth it!

So NYER!

I should not be thinking of work on a weekend, but Monday is going to be the day from Hell.

Get to work usual time, tie up a few loose ends and print off the agenda for the day.
09:30 Drive down to Wiltshire for the staff meeting.
Get bored and hope they break for at least some kind of lunch
Remain bored as they won't
Drive back to Camberley sometime in the afternoon.
No idea if I'll even be stopping in the officebefore going home.

No drinks.

Until I get back, that is

And at no time will any of it have any real relevance to me or my job.

Except...

We've got some swish new equipment installed in my office since the last meeting.

I'm going to be expected to be able to explain everything about it to everyone and possibly answer all sorts of technical questions that I just don't have the answers to.

The stuff is in my office, that's just about as far as my expertise on using it goes. Yes, I can and have used it, but can I explain how to use it when it's in Surrey and I'm in Wiltshire?

Do me a bleedin' favour, right? I'm a hands on guide you through type person. I'm no good with techie stuff unless I'm actually there doing the bloody job.

And my colleagues wonder why I don't try for the IT Manager position.

3 Things That Make Me Happy
Music
The love of a good woman (when's that ever going to happen, eh?)
my dogs

3 Things That Make Me Angry
cruelty to animals
intolerance
people who leave important tasks until the last minute and accuse me when they fuck up big-time (happens a lot)

3 Things That I Do Well
Drink
fart
my job

3 Things That I Don't Do Well
stick to deadlines when it comes to publishing my cartoons
waking up
falling asleep in the right place

3 Things That I Love To Eat
Sprouts
Lasagne
sausages

3 Things That I Hate To Eat
calamari
tuna
kippers

3 of my Favorite Movies
Man's favorite sport?
Alien
2001: A Space Oddyssey (Open the pod-bay doors, HAL)

3 Things I Want To Do
Ride the Bullet Train
See Mount Fuji
Ski in the Rockies

3 Things I Never Want To Do Again
fall over drunk
fall over someone who's drunk
fall over sober

Yes, that meme.

Andy Warhol said in 1968: "In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes."

Have you ever appeared on TV?

Only if you count home videos

Ever been on the radio?

Yes. An advert for my local youth club (which I avoided like the plague because of the local youths) back in 1985. My only line was "Oh, no! Now we're in for it!" after the sound of shattered glass. I've forgotten how many takes it took, but I soon got heartily unimpressed by both my own voice and my acting ability.

Do you have a friend who is famous?

For what, exactly?

Have you ever had your name in the papers?

Only as "a commuter who wishes to remain nameless" about the local bus service.

Have you ever been in trouble with the law?

Speeding tickets only. Twice. And an unofficial caution for going 42mph in a 30mph zone on my pushbike. (Icould have been charged with furious riding! )

Any school friend gone on to be famous?

Nope.

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

Dreamer. That's me.

"Come on, NotBob. Just one more time?"
"Sorry, Kylie. I've got to go to work."

Who'd have thought Ms Minogue enjoyed Swingball so much?

Note to self - must stop eating cheese late at night.