Confusion Reigns Supreme

They've taken away one of the Christmas decorations from where I normally blog leaving one power outlet free.

If only I didn't have to go home so soon, eh?

Still, bodes well for blogging tomorrow!

Not long to go now, and I doubt if I'll be online to blog it at the time, so to all my friends past, present and future, have a happy, prosperous and above all peaceful 2008

Yup. I'm going to torch parts of my blog over the next few days.

L is no longer part of my life or my social scene, So I'm going to delete all reference to her from my blog.

Her pet Neanderthal proposed on Christmas day.

She, despite my advising against it and because she "knows she can change him", said yes.

Did you know I can make "Congratulations! I know you'll be very happy together." sound sincere, even through gritted teeth?

Women, eh? Why do they always seem to have a thing about bastards?

"Never mind, it's not the winning, it's the taking part that counts."

"I tried as hard as I ever have before."

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

"I demand a recount!"

"First one gets the trap, the second one gets the cheese!"

Stay lucky!

I'm spreading Christmas cheer and goodwill to all men at the moment. Other people call it a cold!

Bugger. I feel all feverish, achy and on nostril is bunged up while the other is flowing like a bloody tap. Great.

Decorations up, presents wrapped and piled under the tree and me, bruv, mum and dad have scoffed our way through about 80 home-made mince pies in the last two days. *buuuurp*

I think we got a little carried away with the decorations, though!

Hope you all get what you want tomorrow! Have a good one!

My brother arrived yesterday while I was still blogging (down the pub ) and when I got home the family were discussing what to have for dinner. The decision was made, the menu was dug out from the sideboard drawer - We were going to have a curry or three from my local Bangladeshi restaurant/take away.

Last time that happened I had a chicken Bangalore which had unfortunate repercussion on my lower digestive tract the following day. *ahem*

This time I decided to go for a medium rather than hot meal. I had chicken shatkora. Sounds ominous, doesn't it? But it was gorgeous - chicken in a spicy citrus sauce. And no after-effects! I'll have that again next time.

No sign of the usual family tensions.

.
.
.
.
Yet.

Has anybody else been spammed in the Messaging system by "cheapcars"?

Bloody annoying, that.

Both the Ferret and I have had to put up with unwanted advertising because we can't afford to go pro, which is fair enough. To have it rammed down your throat via a personal message is just outrageous.

I'm off to complain.

Bastards

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper.

2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial.

3. When do you put up the tree? Christmas Eve.

4. When do you take the tree down? Twelfth Night

5. Do you like egg nog? Not really

6. Favourite gift received as a child? Action Man submarine

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes

8. Hardest person to buy for? My brother in Luxembourg

9. Easiest person to buy for? My niece, Emily

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Blogged it

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? A mouse-mat/radio

12. Favourite Christmas movie? Wizard of Oz

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? December.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No

15. Favourite thing to eat at Christmas? Satsumas

16. Clear or coloured lights? Coloured. Both

17. Favourite Christmas song? I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay at home.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Angel

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas Morning

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Shopping

23. Favourite ornament theme or colour? None particularly

24. Favourite for Christmas dinner? Traditional roast turkey, gammon joint, beef and trimmings, most importantly plenty of sprouts

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? Audi R8

26. Who is most likely to respond to this? Well, I did

27. Who is least likely to respond to this? No idea.

Battery's running low again in a busy pub.

Blog ya tomorrow!

... and so is family. Almost.

Tomorrow my brother is coming over from Luxembourg to stay for Christmas. Damn, that's another prezzie I've got to buy . So tomorrow I'm going to have to help convert the office back into its former role as a back bedroom. Dunno how long he's staying, but I think its safe to say that he'll be here until at least Boxing Day, then he'll probably do the Grand Tour of his UK friends for New Year's.

Looking forward to seeing him again, but I just know there's going to be an argument or two waiting to boil over...

Ho hum. Families, eh? Who'd have 'em?

In other news, this is one blog that will not be closing down for Christmas, though the posts may well be few and far between. Let's see how it goes, eh?

Try vacuuming that lot up!

See wot i done then in the title? ^

Very punny.

I just did it again! har-har!

OK, I'm fooling no-one, am I? I'm bored and my bosses won't let me go home for another half hour yet.

On the plus side, I did get a slice of Christmas cake and a bottle of merlot off 'em! Ooh big deal, considering the shit I've had to put up with over the last couple of weeks few months. "Here NotBob, put up with incompetence for a year, and we'll reward you with a whole slice of cake of your very own!"
Thanks a bunch.

I won't whine about the wine though.
(Sorry, couldn't stop that one slipping through)

You Should Have a Blue Christmas Tree

For you, the holidays represent a time of calm, understanding, and peace. You avoid family fights, and you don't get too stressed out - even when things are crazy! You like to make Christmas about making everyone's life a little bit better. You don't get caught up in greed or commercialism. You're too sincere for that. Your blue tree would look great with: Lots of silver tinsel You should spend Christmas Eve watching: It's a Wonderful Life What you should bake for Santa: Chocolate chip cookies

"you don't get too stressed out - even when things are crazy!" Eh? Of course I get bloody stressed out. Other people getting stressed out around me stresses me out.

Well, either way you look at it, it's definitely a Roller.

I appreciate that I'm a bit late with my request but after careful consideration could I have one of these please?

Has been banned for a month from driving in France for doin 123mph in an 80 zone. Quite right too, over here he would have had his licence taken away immediately.

One thing that tickles me, though, is the thought of the officer who pulled him over tapping on the window and saying (in French, obviously) "Who do you think you are? Fernando Alonso?"

*snrk!*

Occasionally I get invited to become friends (or further) with young ladies of African extraction on BCUK - though they seemed to have lost interest in me recently, maybe I need a bath - who upon further investigation usually use blank blogs to start from. This is not a problem that is confined to this site, I've noticed.

I just popped onto DrunkDuck, where I post my cartoons, to find that despite the fact that I have not posted anything since mid-July I have acquired several new "friends". Most of them are, like me, aspiring cartoonists - some of them could easily go professional anytime soon - but one or two, on looking them up, don't even have a single cartoon posted. They sit there as spectators. I don't mind this too much because they're not looking for "lovings and learnings of English more better", but they've been watching for updates of a comic strip that has been lying either dormant or dead, I haven't decided which, for goodness knows how long.

Still, at least someone's admiring my work, eh?

In the Ads by Google box that came up under my last post.

"NoHang Prevention Pill
Guaranteed to be hangover free. Drink all night with no hangover."

I think they've got the wrong idea about me. The best way I know to remain hangover-free is not to stop drinking!

1. Do you own a box of crayons?
No, but I do have a wide variety of coloured pencils and pens for cartooning.

2. Have you ever seen a dead body?
Yes, if you include animals

3. Do you always wear a seatbelt?
yes

4. When do you shower most often?
I don't. I prefer a nice soak in a bath

5. What songs do you sing in the shower?
See prvious answer

6. Do you own any diamonds?
On my salary? You have GOT to be joking!

7. What was the last thing you purchased?
Pint of Old Rosie

8. What makes you feel warm and safe?
See previous answer

9. How often do you remember your dreams?
Every time I have a really vivid one

10. Did you go to state or private school?
State

11. Will you donate your organs after you pass?
Who'd want my liver or kidneys? Or my lungs for that matter. Even my eyes are dodgy.

12. How do you vent your anger?
Loudly, vocally and not always at the intended target, unfortunately

13. What is your heritage?
Part English, part Irish. Extremely proud of the Irish bit

14. What kind of watch do you wear?
I don't

15. Did you ever go to camp?
Yes 1985 International Youth Year I spent a fortnight in a field full of Germans, Poles and Dutch. Interesting experience. *ahem*

16. Where were you on September 11, 2001?
At work with a hangover

17. Have you ever been to a gay bar?
Yes

18. What is your ringtone?
Trick Me - Kelis

19. What kind of milk do you drink?
Milk? That's from the planet sober, isn't it?

20. Are you touchy-feely?
Not particularly, depends on the situation

They don't want much, do they?

An English gentleman visited a Paris brothel one evening and on leaving was surprised to be given 1000 Euros. He decided to call again the next evening, and the same thing happened.

So he went back for a third visit but was disappointed not to be given any Euros. He asked why, and the Madame said, "Tonight we are not televising, sir."

Last year we had Leona

This year we had Leon

Next year Leo Sayer's making a comeback!

Stardate erm... about now I suppose. I've just installed the new 42 inch (are we still allowed to use those?) plasma screen in my office and got it linked up to the computer that's linked up to the 44 inch (I'm still not sure about inches) plotter I blogged about the other day.

I've set the screensaver to "Starfield Generator" for full effect.

Now I just need to download the Star Trek theme...

Live long and prosper! I shall now boldly go...

Laterz

As Dawn arose this winter's morn and the sky was dark and inky
The sun lit up the clouds above and turned them red and pinky.

As she awoke and looked upon a landscape cold and murky,
Birdsong filled the air around and she thought: "My tits are perky!"

*sniggers*

Made me laugh, anyway.

http://www.office-humour.co.uk/movies/6613/

Anyone know how to get in touch with the Olympics committee?

The newest game in the world: Beer Curling.

What you need:

2 participants
1 catcher - just in case!
1 frosty picnic table at least 5 feet long.

Aim:

Slide your pint as near to the opposite end of the table as possible.

Rules:

1: Beer glass must be at least half-full, though design is optional - straight or jug. (I've found that the jug works best)
2: The glass must slide at least 4 feet along the table to be counted as legitimate.
3: The catcher pays for his own dry cleaning and any replacement drinks.

Just after lunch I dozed off while watching the snooker (mind you, who wouldn't?) and I dreamt that Penny was yapping around Paddington's legs, trying to prevent him from attacking me. And I was running as fast as I could to get away from him.

In real life I wouldn't need to run that fast. Hell, I could probably just saunter away!

I always wanted to be a failure.

I succeeded.

So what am I?