Confusion Reigns Supreme

I could only find this in three parts, but anyway enjoy:

Nighty night!

and NotBob got woken up at 4:30am by the telly flicking on as the Formula 1 coverage started.

Innit great when you work out how to programme your telly as an alarm clock!

Thought the race was going to be a bit of a washout, but boy was I wrong! OK, not exactly gripping all the way through (bit like their tyres ) but plenty of incidents. Lewis did brilliantly, as ever, especially after being shunted by Kubica. Will he take the championship? Will it go down to the last race? I hope so, on both counts.

And what a shame that that whingeing Spaniard hit the wall. not

I'm writing this whilst watching the Ireland/Argentina Rugby match, so my typing may become a little erratic...

So there's been outbreaks of Foot and Mouth near where I live (foot-in-mouth in my case) and a few isolated incidences of blue tongue. What I find more worrying is the persistent threat of the ever spreading disease known as Blue tooth!

Woke up sometime around 8-ish, checked the telly guide for the qualifying for the Japanese Grand Prix - 9:45. OK, I'll just shut my eyes for a few minutes, then I'll get up and take the dogs for an early walk.

Next thing I know, it's 11 o'clock and I'm lying with my face in a pool of drool. Bugger.

Looks like I'll either be getting up early or not going to bed at all in order to watch the race live tomorrow.

Took dogs out, Penny was a bit jittery though, as they're either training or in competition on the ranges this weekend and you can hear the gunfire for miles around. Didn't bother Paddington, though. Nothing ever does.

Went to Camberley this afternoon looking for bookshops that might sell those puzzle books that I'm after. No luck there, so I bought a couple of games for my PS2 instead. Okami, because I've played a demo version and the graphics are fantastic in a kind of semi-real, semi clasical Japanese art kind of way, and ICO because it caught my eye and it was on the cheap shelves. Reviews will follow when I've got round to playing them.

Other than that, just another slob-out of a day, really.

... but this has been playing through my mind recently:

Night all

Went in to town today in search of a puzzle book or two, 'cuz that's the wild and crazy kind of life I lead! I had a particular type of puzzle in mind - Griddlers (Sunday Telegraph readers will know what I mean).

I went to the only two bookshops in town - Smith's and Ottaker's - and searched through their "Games and Puzzles" sections. Quite a few crossword books, I can understand that crosswords being so popular and all. But apart from those few crosswords the rest was just shelf after shelf after shelf of ing Sudoku.

Easy Sudoku, Sudoku for Beginners, The Complete Sudoku (surely they should let you complete them, eh?), Times Sudoku, Sudoku and other Japanese logic problems, Sudoku-mania.

Excuse me, but some of us find Sudoku completely mind-numbingly boring. I expect some people would find Griddlers boring (I don't) and others may even find crosswords boring, so give us at least some variety. Jeez.

Now I'm going to be really bored until I stumble upon a shop that hasn't cleared the shelves for feckin' Sudoku.

I ended up buying the latest Terry Pratchett book instead, so I've got something to keep me quite for an hour or two at least.

Finished my last bottle of cider last night and, having no cash, went on a hunting trip to the fridge in the utility room, just in case there's anything left in there.

One can of Tetley's, one can of Guinness, half a bottle of red wine and a bottle of Bailey's.

Head was thumping this morning.  I think it was the Tetley's that did it.

Anyway, today is PAYDAY!!!!

Nipped out for some cash - money... I have money!!!! - and some esential supplies.

1.   Cider
2.   Ciggies.
3.   erm...
       Oh, yeah - bread.
4.   Sandwich Spread - gotta have sandwich spread
5.    Eggs.
6.    An onion.
7.    Cheese.
8.    Ham.
9.    Marmite.

Think that should last me until I've tidied the kitchen and found anything else edible.

I've remembered to take some chicken out of the freezer for Paddington after the strop that he put on last night 'cuz I'd forgotten it.  Talk about bloody picky eater.  Paddy won't eat his dinner unless it's got chicken in it.  Put the dish in front of him, he'll sniff around and he'll look up at you as if to say "Where's the chicken?  I ain't eatin that, thar's no chicken!" and stomp off to bed.
Penny doesn't mind that.  She just sneaks up and eats his as well as her own.  No wonder she's getting podgy!

Took the pair of them out for a walk in the rain , watched a bit of telly and now I'm RELAXING at last down t'pub.  YAY!

Due to financial constraints (me being broke the day before payday!) I won't be blogging tomorrow.

But get ready for a complete blogfest on Friday!

So tomorrows blog prediction:

Day 5 in the NotBob House and NotBob has been woken up by the phone ringing incessantly. NotBob answers it, knowing that it's the office trying to persuade him to come in by offering even more time off.

I've never known NotBob to swear that much.

Seeya

No matter how much they try to ooze, shmooze, smarm or charm their way into getting me to do that again will I ever, EVER give up my holidays for that bunch of ungrateful llwnts.

S, after hearing that I'll do the copying, but won't be around to bind that ing report, pokes her head round the door and asks "Are you doing anything tomorrow morning?"

"Yes." says me.

"How about tomorrow afternoon?"

ing Bitch.

I'm now down the pub after leaving an office I shouldn't have gone to today at half past ing six, the rest of the bastards having buggered off at quarter to five.

So in summary:

Next time they ask I'm going to tell them to go themselves with rusty barbed wire.

Llwnts.

And I don't care how much time off in lieu they offer.

So much for a relaxing holiday.

And NotBob woke up at 1030, had breakfast and gave the dogs theirs.

Watched a bit of telly before flicking the PS2 on.

Phone call at noon from V

"Hi, NotBob! Only me."

Hi, V

"Look, we've got a bit of a panic on here. CR wants 25 more copies of his report done, the others went out minus an annex. Could you come in and do it."

Yeh, I'll be in about half-one.

Walked the dogs.

Guess where I am now, and it ain't the pub. *GAH*!

And it looks like I'll be here tomorrow if I'm not bloody careful.

...and NotBob woke up at 10 am and turned on the Playstation.

Other than that, same as yesterday.

Sunset was nice tonight, though:

Ghostly sky

Bruised sky

Smoke on the water

And NotBob didn't get up until 9 am.

Walked the dogs with mobile phone in pocket, anticipating that dreaded phone call that would mean an extra half day off at least.

Watched telly.

Bought more cider.

Watched more telly.

Burger and chips, onion rings, peas and sweetcorn for dinner.

Fed dogs.

Watched telly.

Went down pub.

Phone never rang, I can relax now.

Time to go home and drag my PS2 down and plug it in to the 42" telly downstairs rather than the 14" in my room. Plenty of gaming going on tonight, methinks!

G'night all!

And NotBob has got up early to take Mum and Dad down to Gatwick by half-past-five.

Yup, It's that time of year. My parents are using NotBob's Dog-Sitting Service(tm) for a fortnight while they get bladdered in swan off to Greece, as they have done, to the same village, every year for the last ten years. I think they must like it there. Either that or they can't decide and have to keep going out there to see if they do.

Got a phone call on the way back from the airport. I didn't answer it, I was driving (I'm a good boy like that ). When I got home I checked my phone and the missed call was from Mum, so I called her back.

Apparently their 0730 flight to Kalamata was experiencing technical difficulties (whenever I hear that I imagine a plane on the tarmac with one wing hanging off, for some reason) and would be delayed until 1400. The airline apologised for the delay and gave all the passengers £10 to buy a meal with. They obviously don't know my Mum!

I gave the dogs their breakfast, took them for their respective walks - they have to be walked separately, one short slow walk for Paddington and a long high-energy run for Penny - and then had breakfast myself.

Then I just generally slobbed around all day watching the motorcycling on telly.

Polished off the last of my cider over a light lunch. Walked in to the village for more cider. Sat back down on the sofa and fell asleep.

Got woken at six by Penny bothering me for her dinner, fed the pair of them, watched a bit more telly and now I'm down the pub for a couple of hours.

Might do more of the same tomorrow, without the getting up early bit, unless I get that phone call from J calling me back to the office.

I lead such a hectic life don't I?

Last night we had a couple of craneflies in the lounge (pronounced laainge ) flitting around the light fittings and occasionally falling onto the coffee table.

Mum, having got fed up with this threatened one with a rolled up newspaper and a shout of "I'll get you next time you do that! And DON'T GO NEAR MY DRINK!"

And the telly piped up "I guess that's told 'em!"

Our telly is possessed!

.

'Spose it's better than having it re-possessed!

...a bit more about this band. So far I know they come from Massachusets, and do a passable cover of Talking Heads:

I'll also have to go to bed soon, as I have to get up at half-past-way-too-early to take my folks to Gatwick. Good job I didn't get much sleep last night, I'm feeling drowsy as I type.

*dribbles onto keyboard*

uhnm gmuraluimfalf humnhfhsjsrbslaabrgbhrbajbhbalbdvavbabgih

The week from hell is over.

All reports published and distributed, all CDs labelled and covers produced.

...and relax...

But lo, what soft light through yon office door breaks? It is the East and J has just popped in to hand me a note from Solomon asking for a set of business cards with his new contact details on.

"Sod that, J." says I, "tis five-past four, I'm tidying up and I'm boggin off home for a fortnight."

"I'll just tell him you've been too busy to mess with such trivialities then, shall I?"

"Yes, with brass bells on!"

Then she drops the bombshell.

"We've just had a call from the boss, he's taken another report home to read over the weekend, and it looks like it needs to go out on Monday"

So that's why nobody thinks I have a life - the boss doesn't have one, so why should anyone else?

"Trouble is, NotBob, V and I don't know how to do your job, so..."

"Alright, if I'm needed give me a call, I'll add it to the two hours yesterday and take an afternoon off in lieu, if need be."

I'm too bloody soft at times.

Still, Sunday I'll be getting up before the crack of sparrows to take my parents to the airport so they can jet off to Greece for a fortnight, leaving me home alone with the dogs, Monday morning I'll be waiting for a phone call, and then for the next two weeks -

FREEDOM!!!

I leave you with a song that has been running through my mind constantly this last week:

That's what time I finally managed to get away from the office this evening, all because someone *glowers in their general direction* didn't come up with the goods until ten-to-five.

Apparently, I'm not allowed to have a life.

I'm now down the pub getting ready for more of the same tomorrow. And if they complain about my hangover... well... f 'em!

...to myself while I wait for someone else to do their job so that I can crack on with mine.

This happens every year in my job. I give everyone plenty of notice of my holidays (1 years notice this time!) with plenty of reminders nearer the date. And what happens? Two hefty reports to do in the space of a week, and one of them I have only received the annexes. I'm still bloody waiting for the main body of the report to copy it 30 times and it's twenty to bloody five.

I've still got to copy eight more of the previous report because someone cocked it up.

I'm knackered and I want to go home at a reasonable time.

I can't leave them to do it themselves 'cuz if I do that they'll wreck my equipment again and I won't be able to do the other last-minute jobs that are going to come in tomorrow.

Roll on Saturday. I might be able to wind down a bit then.

Can't stop.

Things to do!

Is it Thursday, already? GAH!

Laters, folks!

I's posted this shanty before, but that were when I were doin' shipmates only posts.

It's about what we's all been up to today -

Tracking Treasure Down:

Aaarr! Pirate ships an' faerie tales, me hearties!

If ever there be a man 'oo were born to be a bucaneer,

I gives ye courtesy of the "Time Team"...

Professor Phil "No Beard" (ooh)'arding!

'e don't need a special day to talk like a pirate. Aarr!

Just nipped out for a ciggie.

Bit parky out there, innit?

Favourite Food =
Cheese

Favourite Film = 2001: A Space Odyssey

Favourite Band = AC/DC

Favourite Computer Game =
Final Fantasy VIII

Favourite Drink = Addlestones

Favourite Team =
Leeds United

Favourite Smell =
Fish and Chips

Favourite Place =
Pub

Favourite Person (non-family) =
I'll just call her "L"

Favourite Curry =
Chicken Bangalore (though that's doubtfull after the last one! )

Favourite Tv Show (current) =
Coronation Street (sad, I know)

Favourite Tv Show (all time) =
Star Trek: Voyager

Favourite 80's Cartoon =
Thundercats

Favourite Hobby =
Cartooning (must get round to doing some more)

Favourite Quote =
Sapere Aude

Favourite Website =
Drunk Duck

Favourite Book =
Paradise by Mike Resnick

Favourite Author =
Terry Pratchett

Favourite Colour =
Brown

Favourite Song =
I'm not in love - 10cc

The word "phat"

It means good, nice or generally pleasant, particularly when talking about music.

I was chatting with a couple of acquaintances that I meet up with occasionally for a game or two of pool over lunch, when the subject of favourite bands came up. They being younger than me came up with quite a few I'd never heard of, but were bandying the word "phat" left right and centre about most of them.

I just mentioned that on my walkman at the moment I'm listening to Leftfield. Now that's a fine example of a phat sound.

All well and good, so far.

Then a young lady that I know, but would like to know better, if you know what I mean, walked in wearing an outfit I had not seen on her before. I commented "Nice outfit. New is it?"

"Yes," she replied, "do you like it?"

And I, having got a bit carried away with the youth culture slang, blurted out "Yeah, you look phat in that!"

I wonder why I ended up on the floor?

Just finished off a bag of peanut M&Ms.
Followed it with a spearmint gum.
Nipped out for a ciggie.

It now tastes like something has died in my mouth.

Shouldn't have hade the mint.

I'll know better next time.

My mate G is rapidly approaching 40.
He's not looking forward to it.

He said tonight "I'm in favour of euthenasia."

My response?

"Yeah! They're dead sexy, ain't they?"

Spent all day working on that damned amended report.

I've now copied thirty copies of half of it. I'll get on with the rest tomorrow.

Quarter past five this afternoon after using up a complete box-and-a-half of paper (so that's around 3,750 sheets) I decided to interrupt the process and bugger off homeward.

I popped in to see J and tell her what was going on.

NotBob: "J, it's quarter-past-five, I'm halfway through this report, so I've stopped the run."

J: "Oh? Why's that then?"

NotBob: "Because it's quarter-past-five, and I'm going home."

Got to work this morning after putting a big print job off on Friday because it was Friday and there was no way that I would complete it by the time I went home, to find a message on my phone from the consultant responsible for that report.

I can’t go into detail about it as the message was so long and convoluted that I just sort of had to figure out what he was saying. In essence, it was “Hold fire on that report, NotBob, we’ve had to make some amendments.”

Good job I hadn’t bloody started on it, or even worse got half way through it.

Call it procrastination, call it laziness (most people do the latter) but I think I’ve got it down to a fine art now. That would have made so much more work for me had I not left it for the weekend!

Why, when I change to the "new editor" does it add bits I've not written after anything with a piccie in it?

Why, after trying to delete said bits, do they still appear?