I got barred from my local swimming pool the other day. I couldn't understand why when they said they didn't want my type in there.

Until I got changed and realised the "S" had worn off my Speedos!

.......

Familiar pub soundbites:

"It was the floorboards, honest!"

"I wouldn't go in there for a few minutes, if I were you!"

"Yeah, but after Sunday all this place is gonna smell of is farts and BO."